idol savant - Season 7

It's Coming! Savant for Season 8!

2009-01-26T19:26:00.000-08:00

We're excited to announce that Idol Savant will be returning soon — with an all-new look, and the same great recaps you've come to expect. Be sure to visit us when we crank back up with a recap of the February 17 (Top 36 finalists) show.

Our Web address for the Season 8 is slightly different this year, so please visit and bookmark our new page http://idol-savant.blogspot.com/

The Lazy Man’s Finale Recap, & Goodbye Season 7

2008-05-21T20:40:00.000-07:00

Chadboulet is Season 7 recap-weary (i.e. lazy), and no doubt you are weary, too. Especially after tonight's heartstring-stretching marathon mega-show. So I offer only some short random comments about tonight’s 2-hour finale. I thought the show actually lived up to its hype — there seemed to be more entertainment and much less filler than I expected, even for a finale show, n'est pas? And if you didn’t already have a high tolerance (or love) for cheese with a capital C, you wouldn’t be here in the first place, right? Cook took the crown, and all is right with the world tonight, except perhaps in the Archuleta household, where wire hangers are still rumored to be in great supply.

High points (in no particular order):

Syesha & Seal
Donna Summer (still got it goin’ on)
Carly & Michael tearing up the classic “The Letter”
Michael Johns in general
David Cook with ZZ Top
Brooke, with living legend Graham Nash
Gladys Knight with 3 very short pips, 2 of which are talented [L to R: 5'6'', 5'6" & 5'8"]
Carrie Underwood - personality and brains be damned - the girl can sing
George Michael, accompanied by Abdul tears
Both Davids (respectively) in Risky Business themed Guitar Hero commercials
Renaldo Lapuz & USC marching band/cheerleaders
Joel McHale in the audience
Ryan dancing
Simon's admission of error and apology to Cook for calling last night in favor of Archuleta

Low Points

Craptastic self-hype-believing Disney product The Jonas Brothers, who make David Archuleta look like Tom Waits
Traditional white-clad group song cornfest, Get Ready (dig it, brothers & sisters!)
David/David duet
Shameless, worthless, time-sucking, intelligence-insulting Mike Myers movie plug. Please write 19 Entertainment and bitch about this.
The very presence of David Hernandez
Biker nurse chick's earbleed inducements
Over-proliferation of mosh-pit hand-waving

Nothing to write home about

Jason Castro’s Hallelujah reprise
Jordan Sparks (sorry)
Jimmy Kimmel
Bryan Adams (give me Ryan Adams)
One Republic, with DA
Mikelah Gordon/Matt Rogers
Terry Hatcher in the audience
Ford hybrid SUVs
Carrie Underwood Nintendo commercial

I want to thank everyone who has supported this humble one-man parade by revisiting the site weekly, and sometimes even commenting, which I always find encouraging. Savant’s opinions are no better than yours, just a little more conspicuous and assertive. American Idol blogging is my wheelhouse (thank you Randy Jackson), and I love hearing from all of you who have the fine taste to read and revisit this blog. Rejoin us in February 2009 for the Season 8 semifinal recaps, which should be at least as good as reading the phone book.

[cue marching band, please]

I am your brother
Your best friend forever
Recapping the shows
The music that you love
Brothers til the end of time
Together or not
You’re always in my heart
You hurt your feelings
And you will rain on mine
I love you brother

(repeat ad nauseum)

À Bientôt…

Chadboulet

Finale Part 1 - Dueling Davids: A voting bloc battle to the finish

2008-05-20T23:41:00.000-07:00

As if tonight’s first finale installment didn’t already promise to be cheesetastic enough, the producers saw fit to saddle the program with a lame boxing metaphor theme, complete with the authentic “ready to rumble” intro by…you know, that rumble guy, as well as a crapload of other cheesey fight visuals. Each David literally came out swinging. Well, Cook did; Archuleta managed a wimpy swat or two. The unsurprising David-David finale has been anticipated for many weeks (after all, neither was ever in the bottom 3); yet oddly, it appears difficult to say who has the ultimate edge. Why? Because at this point it is not about the performances; it’s all about the voting blocs. Everyone’s mind was made up before tonight, right? Tonight’s triumph will not be achieved by one David vocal performance or another, but instead by an ‘Archie’s Angels' or a ‘Cookies’ voting mandate…and just who has has their finger on that particular pulse? Simon says that hating your opponent will be the key to winning, which is followed by Archie’s hilarious comment “This guy’s awesome” hatefully directed at his opponent. The pre-show coin toss went to L’il Dave, who chose to go second. Oh, and Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber has been hanging around the studio like a lost puppy for the last several weeks and no one has had the nerve to ask him to leave. So they let him stick his tuppence in.

The blow-by-blow, yo:
Round 1 - Clive Davis Choice
Clive raised his selection game a bit this year and handed David Cook U2’s I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For. DC managed to Bono up the first verse quite well, before kicking up into a more distinctly Cook mode for the remainder of the song. David Cook is nothing if not an amazingly comfortable and natural stage performer. He ended with what Randy called a “scooped up” note, or maybe he said a “scooby-do.” Either way, DC took care of business, and all three judges thought he aced it. David responded with his signature happy/smug overconfident geeky “I love all the little people who got me here” graciousness. Autographs will be signed after the show.

Clive’s song gift for Archie was also well chosen, Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me, perhaps one of Sir Elton John's best and biggest pop anthems of all time. The song teems with Archuleta-brand emotion and builds to a sort of double-barreled chorus with soaring angelic background swells and stuff. These are the tools & trappings of a David A knockout, and he certainly went to the mat, coming as close to removing his gloves as he ever has (wow - a metaphorical triple-play). Randy gave birth to a couple of barnyard animals, Paula called it ‘beautiful’ and ‘stunning,’ and Simon said it was arguably Archuleta’s best performance so far (ever?). Self-appointed referree Cowell declares that Round One goes to The Arch, who was moved to tears which seemed to say “you love me more than my daddy, and that is more confusing than having 8 mothers.”

Round 2 - Song Contest Choice
A decision was made to allow the contestants to choose from 10 (or perhaps all 20) of the songs submitted in American Idol’s “Coronation Song” contest, and furthermore to allow them to impose his own arrangement upon said choice. This saved us from the painfully intolerable schmaltzfest that usually defines this round, for the most part. Having said that, we are grateful that the producers wisely chose to position this round in the middle, not at the end of the show.

David Cook chose a little ditty called Dream Big, and fortunately veiled it with his signature rock-esquity, thus masking the inherent cheese factor offered up by the lyrics. We aren’t really hearing all those words in the mix, but we know they are extolling the virtues of faith and perservance to achieve one’s Idol dreams, not to mention the new Mustang at the end of the rainbow. It boils down to a fairly listenable veneer of arena-rock-iness over a base of forgettable songwriting mediocrity, topped with an unnaturally creepy smile from DC when it's all over with. Randy was suitably excited by all this. Paula offered a classic Paula-ism “With a song in your heart and a guitar in your hands…” which she has been saving up, I think. Simon employed the boxing theme with a clever “lightweight” comment and declared it a ‘6.5 out of 10.’

Li’l Dave chose one called It’s A Small Moment After All — no, sorry. I think it was actually called In This Moment. Um, yeah, I know - it is definitely one of those. Well, he brought all his Archie-ness to the table, and probably made the songwriter very proud. Randy nearly soiled himself at the molten hotness of this performance, and I swear, heads will roll if he uses the ‘phonebook’ thing one more time, ever again. That expression is hereby retired, so says I. ‘David Archuleta can sing Barbara Walters’ autobiography and make it sound good.” How ‘bout that one? In fact, I’d love to hear that. Same goes for “in da zone’ and every other Randyism, come to think of it. Simon felt DA chose the right song, and handed him Round 2, leaving Randy to stew in his own ineffectualness.

Round 3 - Contestant’s Choice
David Cook, a song in his heart and acoustic guitar in hand, takes to the mat with his own choice - Collective Soul’s The World I Know. The song is upbeat, but sort of a rock/ballad hybrid. RJ says ‘nice job;’ Paula said he was standing in his truth, and he better watch out cuz that stuff is slippery (ok, I added that second part). Simon felt that David made a critical strategic error with his song choice -- that he should have reprised one of his best from shows past, like Billie Jean. From a strategy standpoint, I have to agree with Cowell. This is your ding-dang last dance, dude. It might have been wise to chose a proven house rocker and just tear the place up, to seal the deal. Cook seemed to take the post-critique defensive stance that he was choosing integrity over cold-hearted strategizing. OK, but still. Cook was overwhelmed with emotion — you know, the end-of-the-season I-better-not-lose-after-all-this-crap kind, bringing him to dramatic tears. He's keeping it real, people. Was it these lyrics that did him in?:
So I walk up on high /And I step to the edge /To see my world below.
And I laugh at myself /As the years roll down. /'Cause its the world I know.

David Archulta reprised his Nobel Peace Prize-winning performance of Imagine. Good choice, but personally, I prefer the more cynical Lennon material — but whatever. Take his little hand and join him, and the world…will live as one.
Okay, what is going on here? The judges cannot stop themselves from throwing themselves at the feet of Li’l David. Randy called him “better than Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey” (or something to that effect), Paula called him “pretty much better than Jesus,” and in Winston Churchill style, Simon proclaimed “what we have just witnessed is one of the greatest final performances of the last 2 centuries.”

Conspiracy theories. Debate amongst yourselves:
1. Producers inexplicably decided to change favorites at the last minute, from Cook (indicated many times in judge interviews) to Archuleta. Judges were instructed to heap love on Arch and declare him American Idol to influence votes in his favor.
2. Producers actually still favor Cook; instructed judges to overpraise Archuleta to cause compensatory Cook voting backlash.
3. Daddy Jeff Archuleta possesses compromised photos of each of the judges, which he shared with them just before the show.
4. Producers realize that the Idol title is no longer all that, and that their favorite, David Cook, will fare better commercially with the additional credibility granted him by not actually garnering the title, a la Daughtry.
5. Archuleta is better than Cook.

Ruben Studdard sings us out in person (!) tonight with Celebrate Me Home. Confession: Chadboulet loves Ruben better than both Davids put together. Ruben could sing Microsoft Word For Dummies and make it sound good.

Who should win? Who will win? Comments encouraged…

Final 3: Chief David Cooks; Others Wash Bottles

2008-05-13T23:59:00.000-07:00

It is the Night of Threes. Three contestants remain; three songs are to be sung, each choice from one of three sources: the contestant, one judge, and the producers. All week, media pundits have over-discussed the implications of David Archuleta’s evil stage dad’s ouster from the Idol backstage. Here in the Savant Spin Zone, all the punditry we can offer is the appropriate anagram for “David Archculeta”… Dad: "Ah! Lucrative!" With only one more week left in the season, there are some very important questions to be answered. Questions like “Will Syesha lose this week simply by default, or by continuing her season-long streak of sub-mediocrity?” Or “How cleverly will the judges be able to hide their David vs David finale agenda?” And “Have I ragged on Randy Jackson enough in Season 7?” Hmm. No, I don’t think I have.

Round One: Judge’s Choice
Paula chose a lesser-known Billy Joel tune for David A, And So It Goes. One feels certain that this is just the right sort of vehicle for Li'l Dave, because it allows him to show his always-impressive vocal chops, and also because melodically it sounds like it was lifted from a Disney movie soundtrack. Lyrically however it is quite a mature song, which poses the usual paradox with a 17-year boy at the helm. Randy and Paula lapped it all up with warm and fuzzy in-da-zone magic love. Simon speaks the pedestrian yet painful truth — that it was good, yet predictable & not outstanding. He is careful though, to stop short of dissing his boy out of the finale.

Randy, Randy, Randy. How could you have spoon-fed Syesha the same medicine that has virtually done her in throughout the last several weeks -- an iconic diva hit like Alicia Keys’ If I Ain’t Got You? Or was this another Agenda-driven move? 4-me, this was as predictable as it gets: mediocrity served with a side order of pitchiness. Paula fell back on her standard M.O. when she hates a performance — complimenting the looks. “It’s difficult to try to live up to Alicia Keys, dear. Um, but you look STUNNING!” So it would not seem that Mercato was too swiftly sent down the river, Cowell did the same. “Randy shouldn’t have made such a sucky choice for you. Did I mention that you look GORGEOUS!?”

David Cook’s journey tonight begins with a video showing him on a local Kansas City talk show, accepting a text message from Simon informing him he will have to sing The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, but Simon is smarter than all that, and he could already hear the Cook'ed version in his head. And Cowell was spot on correct. There may have been a dodgy moment or two at the start, but then…the guitar, bass & drums kicked in, and the vocals started to soar, and it was all uphill from there. At the risk of hyperbolizing, this could actually have been David Cook’s best performance of the season. The only thing that could have won me over more is if Cook bore a closer resemblance to Katharine McPhee. And boy, did Jackson get this one wrong. Randy wanted him to ROCK, you see (dissing Simon’s song choice). But you don’t need to have a ‘rock’ song to ROCK, you molten hot idiot. We remind ourselves that this is a man who toured with Journey, major purveyors of schlocky 70s rock power ballads.

Round Two: Contestants’ Choice
Li’l Dave admits it was a struggle to learn Chris Brown’s With You, presumably because daddy was not there to shout the lyrics in his ear. Interestingly, the phrase “hearts all over the world tonight” pops up in each and every song David has sung over the course of the season. Okay, not really. Randy & Paula moderately gush over the performance, while Simon offers that the song’s precocious lyrics made it “like a chihuahua trying to be a tiger.” Ouch, that’s cold, in a Simon sort of way. Watch out Cowell; daddy knows where you live …

Syesha’s choice was Peggy Lee’s (also Elvis’) hit Fever which has been done 3 or 4 times before on Idol, perhaps most recently by Paris Bennett in Season 5 and Nick Pedro in Season 6. And while it nearly guarantees a steamy, sultry sort of party, it is still a probable step backwards towards cabaretville, illustrating Syesha’s uncanny knack for dunderheaded song selections. The performance wasn’t bad, and by that I mean ‘on pitch,’ but the judges really roll out the Ouster Agenda on this one, hinting that she had undone herself with a regrettable choice. At this stage of the season, the judges understandably have dollar signs in their eyes, and are trying to determine how many shares of Syesha they would like to purchase in Idol Futures; and however entertaining, sixties torch songs just may not cut it in the current dying pop music market. Perhaps this is a good time to offer up Syesha Mercado’s name anagram Yes—chose drama (alt choice: A homey actress). You heard them here first.

David Cook’s personal choice was Switchfoot’s Dare You To Move, for which he once again chose to whip out the electric axe. An audience sign informs us that “Cougars Like Cook,” which I assume has nothing to do with John Mellencamp. This one was just okay. Randy spends a few minutes blowing his own horn: ‘I’ve actually heard of Switchfoot; the songwriter and producer are old frat mates of mine,” I dated Switchfoot’s sister, etc., before summarily dissing the performance. Paula didn’t like the fact that the song had to end. Simon called it okay, before catching himself and not putting foot in mouth to equate it to amateur night at a Portugeuse wedding or something, thus causing Syesha to return next week. But Cook retains solid footing.

Round 3 - Producers’ Choice
The producers chose the Dan Fogelberg chestnut Longer for Li’l Dave, which proves again to be the type of sapfest best suited for Archuleta’s vocal prowess. As David seems to be everyone’s favorite criticism target of late, I am quick to remind that he does in fact possess perhaps the most contemporary pop musical phrasing ability and vocabulary (i.e. chops) of the lot. In fact, he couldn’t 'sing it straight' if he tried, which may be an advantage with this lame song. So in the ArchuD2 realm, I rate this one a success. Randy was all “can sing da phonebook; crazy hot lava; in da zone;” and a remarkably lucid Paula Abdul called it “very lovely.” Simon spent 3 minutes waxing over what a ghastly song it was, and a horrid selection to boot, before retreating back to The Agenda, making it clear that he expects and intends to see David in the finale.

Syesha is called upon to sing Hit Me Up from "Happy Feet." I’m not saying that I loved it, but it had the sort of funky energy that may have put her in good stead had she chosen songs of this ilk all season long, instead of carting out one diva-wanna-be power ballad joint after another. This one was ‘just ok’ for Randy. Paula quickly remembered The Agenda, and essentially told Syesha to pack her bags, and Simon of course followed suit, pointing out that it was a song about penguins after all, who tend to waddle back home.

The producers did David C a solid by choosing Aerosmith’s I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing, granting him an eloquent Beatle-esque string quartet and allowing him to cart out his best trick — the slow-build to a rockerish big crescendo. Another triumph for David Cook, whose name does not render any good anagrams. But when his middle name ‘Michael’ is added to the mix, we get Die, lava mood chick, which sounds cooler than the other options “Macho vocal kiddie” and “MIDI choked a vocal.” Paula tells him “see you in the finals,” and Simon comes just short of placing the tiara on Cook's head.

Final Four Sing "The Greatest Songs"; Jason Bobs

2008-05-06T23:59:00.000-07:00

Do I need an excuse to run this photo?

It’s getting late in the season, and one could argue that American Idol is losing whatever manner of ‘edge’ it had in earlier weeks, when the contestants were not one big happy family hanging out together taping Ford commercials, but instead were out for each other’s throats. Ryan attempts to draw us into the Final Four show tonight with the melodramatic declaration “Anything can happen. Nobody is safe. Nothing is guaranteed” — but alas, it’s a live show, and Ryan doesn’t know at this point just how dead wrong he can be. Stay with me and you’ll see what I mean. Tonight’s theme is ‘songs from the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame’s 500 Most Influential Songs” list, which theoretically leaves our contestants pretty wide open for some judicious and interesting song choices (two each). Paula (although blinded by bangs) has located a rare window of lucidity tonight, and Daddy Archuleta, smiling widely with thumb high in the air, is ready to see how it all shakes down…and I guess we are too…

Round One
David Cook got the curious notion to tackle Duran Duran’s Hungry Like The Wolf. Not “A” wolf, mind you — but THE wolf. Okay, I was there in the eighties, and there were some good songs, as I remember — and this one barely qualifies. But he chose to sing the dang thing; so there he is doing his throaty best to wolf it up, but not especially Cooking it up, if you will. It was enough like a mediocre copy of the original to make me want to hear Duran Duran again, and that’s not a good sign. This whole state of affairs somehow increased Paula’s appetite, but otherwise did not advance the Cook agenda. Simon went out on a limb (!) to allow that it was good enough to get DC through to next week. Well… hold on with that Master Plan, Simon — there’s another song coming.

‘Uptown Syesha,’ the one with long straight hair and silver lamé dress, is here now. She’s excited about the upcoming tour — not for the thrill of performing in large venues all over the country or for hanging with her top 10 contestant buddies, but, uh…to “meet her fans.” Well, okay. Go ahead & get acquainted with them before you reach your Mariah Carey non-contact hug phase. She was uncertain about doing Proud Mary, but she looked into the mirror [why am I not surprised?] and said “Syesha…[she calls her mirror Syesha]…just do it,” borrowing shamelessly from the Nike ad campaign. The performance was actually okay, and seemed to be a hit in da house. Simon called it a bad Tina Turner impersonation, I say it was a good Tina Turner impersonation.

Kill it before it grows

Jason Shot The Sheriff, and I’m pretty sure it was in self defense, the sheriff having been called into action after hearing Jason’s dress rehearsal for this song. And boy, did this song get Castroted. The only justice that could be exacted at this point is for Ziggy Marley to appear on stage tomorrow night with a pair of scissors for a formal de-dreading ceremony. Simon called it “utterly atrocious — a first-round audition massacre.” I call it “jerk sauce.” Or maybe “one toke over the line.” Ryan tries to soothe Jason’s goofy sensitive soul, knowing that the only thing he has in common with Bob Marley is that…he is history.

David Archuleta is here now, in his Jonathan Livingston Seagull t-shirt, to take the edge off the Jason thing. And off everything else, too. Ryan, please don’t interview him. Make the little boy stop talking! Okay, Davey - Ben E. King’s timeless Stand By Me is indeed a good choice. It is somewhat over-covered (BMI ranks it as the 4th most covered song of the 20th century), but hey — I don’t think I’ve heard it in the last 6 months or so. Everyone from Muhammad Ali to John Lennon to U2 to Green Day has performed it. But I digress. The arrangement was quietly soulful and somewhat hypnotic, and results in another small victory for L’il Dave. A needed break from his downward Disneybound spiral. Archuleta Fan Club President Randy Jackson shouted “hot mad" something or other; and after semi-trashing it, Cowell owned up to it being the best performance of the night so far.

Round Two
One thing I like about Mr. Cook is that he is smart. All that Scrabble can make a guy savvy, you know…knowing which tiles to drop on the triple letter squares, and exactly where to place “daughtry,” on the board, etc. Oops, sorry — that’s a proper noun, ain’t it? For whatever his flaws, his competitive edge has much to do with the fact that he is playing this show. Sure, it’s playing him, too. But he IS playing it, with all his might, and usually playing it better than the rest of them. He scores some points with me for choosing the Who’s classic Baba O’Reilly (aka “Teenage Wasteland”). Back with electric guitar, Cook regained some command, although the 1.5 minute limit forced him to stop cold just when the song began to really heat up. Still in all, redemptive & satisfactory. The judges breathe their little sighs of relief. Oh, I finally figured it out — "AC" stands for "Archuleta/Cook."

Sam Cooke’s moving A Change is Gonna Come was another good choice for Syesha (appearing this time in a gold evening gown). Unfortunately, she Mercado’ed up the joint with another overreaching & bordering-on-screechy performance. If you liked it, I would submit to you that it is a wonderful song, and that fact accounts for most of what you liked about it. God, I hate it when I do this, but I actually agreed with Randy. Sam Cooke proved that the song can stand tall when you keep it simple & beautiful. You did not need to Whitney-fy this one, girlfriend. Yes, I know you were moved to tears by whatever you read about it last night on Wikipedia, but this would have been 10 times better if you had just toned it down. If I'm not mistaken, the house PA is in good working order, so sit back and let it do its thing. And good lord, you did not win an Oscar and you are not standing on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial; the grandiose after-speech was unnecessary. Paula and Simon loved this one, but I’m in RJ's zone for once.

Now, I’m as much of an early-period Bob Dylan fan as anyone. But you know, the zeitgeist of Mr. Tambourine Man is lost now, at least on me. And although it contains some of simplest lyrics Dylan every composed, Jason managed to find himself substituting and entire line with “duh de duh de duh de duh” — um, not a brilliant ad lib, JC. It was a pitiable enough mess to make me wonder if Paula could even salvage it, and worry that Jason would have some sort of bad trip flashback on stage. But even she could not see the colors. I prefer the Shatner version myself. Simon says: pack your bags, Jason — it's been a long time coming, but we all now know a change is gonna come.

I have to admit I was rolling my eyes when David A said he chose Elvis’ Love Me Tender (as well as covering my ears so I wouldn’t have to hear him speak). But, in classic Archuleta fashion, he actually did bring something new to it, including what almost appeared to be energy and competitive spirit. Don't know what Daddy whispered in his ear before the show, but David actually appeared to be fighting to win this thing. In spite of a somewhat dodgy falsetto end note, it was A-OK. Randy drooled; Paula felt his heart - she really did. Simon told him that he crushed the competition.

If Jason doesn't go home, the sky that we look upon will tumble and fall, and the mountains will crumble to the sea.

Songs Sung Blah - Top 5 Render Diamond, In The Rough

2008-04-29T22:54:00.000-07:00

And the Hair & Make-up Grammy goes to…

Neil Diamond is not an aging rock star. Oh, he's aging all right, but he was never really a rocker — though he once opened for The Who, and did perform at the Scorsese-filmed Last Waltz farewell Band concert. He's actually more of an old-school [Brill Building] writer of hit pop songs who dabbled briefly in the rock 'n roll idiom before morphing into an Elvis-style arena performer. The difference between tonight's Idol mentor and someone like, say, Tom Jones in that regard, is that when Neil took the stage in Vegas, he was performing songs he had penned himself. As a Brooklynite of Russian/Polish extraction, he did not fit into the 60s/70s acoustic singer/songwriter mold — he forged one of his own. But Diamond got more than a few things right — statistically, he's one of the most popular & successful singer/songwriters of all time. Younger Idol fans might be more familiar with the Smash Mouth cover of I'm a Believer, or Urge Overkill's Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon, from the Pulp Fiction soundtrack. Then there was Saving Silverman, a movie in which the two main characters played in an ND tribute band. And who can forget the sappy Heartlight, from ET?

Um, did I mention that Neil is a gazillionaire?

Musical anthropologists still struggle to interpret the meaning of this ancient photograph.

The extensive Diamond song catalog varies widely in style and is painted in fairly neutral colors, meaning that the musical malleability quotient is potentially high, which could help our Final 5 contestants as they each attempt to put their personal stamp on TWO of Neil's songs. His new album drops next Tuesday and a summer tour is planned, neither of which has anything to do with why he's here this week, of course. Ah, Idol Serendipity strikes again.

Ryan says there’s no time to waste tonight, so we begin…

ROUND 1
Jason had to begin the first verse of Forever In Blue Jeans in his uncomfortable lower register so he could handle the octave-up modulation to the second verse. Like Elton John's Philadelphia Freedom and Paul McCartney's Listen To What The Man Said, I have no clue what the hell this catchy little song is about. But even by Castro standards, this performance was way under-laid-back and phoned-in. Facial expressions that presumably communicated an earnest investment in the song instead telegraphed Jason’s painful struggle to remember the lyrics and seemingly minimal interest in being on stage. On the plus side, this performance contained zero trans fats.

David C joined Ryan in his own intro, a contrived cute comedy routine that well showcased the smugness of each of them. Even with a plugged-in electric guitar in hand, David did nothing to kick tonight’s show into 2nd gear (or is that 1st?) with the would-be exciting I’m Alive. More-affected-than-usual vocals sealed the boring deal. I’m afraid this performance was over-Cooked.

Brooke, showing more energy than perhaps we’ve ever seen from her this season, sang the infectious I’m A Believer, acoustic guitar in hand. "Girls Night Out at the karaoke bar." (Thank you, Simon.) Unlike the rest of us, she seemed to have fun with it.

David A actually managed to shake me out of my stupor with an upbeat and somewhat original arrangement of Sweet Caroline. Later in the show, Simon would refer to this one as “amatuerish,” but once again I'll give L'il Dave props for a technically great (if pedestrian) vocal performance.

A wavy-haired, softer looking Syesha brought a Natalie Cole vibe to Hello Again. Oh, but doesn’t our girl love to wail on those big notes? Actually, she kept her wail in check a bit more this week, so I’m having one of those rare “pleased with Syesha” moments. Very nice job, I thought.

Due to time restrictions, an unsettling twist was added to the show tonight — the judges got to speak only now, for the first time this evening. Randy was all ‘yo, in da zone, 4me,” Paula thought she was on Dancing With The Stars, and Simon hated everything and everybody. So I guess it’s time for…

ROUND 2
Jason made sounds come out of his mouth, which vaguely resembled singing, and I believe they even included the lyrics to September Morn, but Chadboulet actually sang September Morn better in the shower this morning, with his cat singing harmony (also better); and if Neil had been there, he would have gotten goosebumps. But that would have been creepy. But perhaps not as creepy as Jason’s performance. Buh-bye, Jason.

All I Really Need Is You was a song much better suited to David C's voice than his Round One entry. Like a classic grunge ballad, it started slow & crecendo’ed into a big bold second part, and then slow boiled back down to a groovy mellow ending. Simon thought it to be brilliant. I was not quite as sold, but it was in the Cook Zone, and he ain’t goin’ nowhere.

I guess Brooke was wise to take Diamond’s suggestion to change “New York” to “Arizona” in I Am, I Said — but did he consider the next line, about being torn between 2 shores? What? The shores of L.A., and Tuscon? Regardless, piano-bound Brooke was a little more successful in putting her particular brand of drama into the song, rather than into say…stopping and restarting it. As Cowell commented, it was a million times better than her first, but still not quite all that. You Must Love Me, part 2, I say, but does that include voting? Sorry, this schtick's beginning to wear thin, smiles and all.

Every night is 'Inspiration Night' when David A is in the house, and tonight’s theme-du-semaine was America. Tearing a page out of Kristi Lee Cook’s playbook, Archuleta bravely chose to go with a patriotic crowd-pleaser. By the time I woke back up from my nap, I could hear the final strains of “Let freedom ring.” I only wish I was there when the plate was passed. “Smart. Clever.” Simon is on the mark again, but why were the rest of us zapping over to VH1 to check out Miss Rap Supreme?

Syesha’s second outing of the night was no better — a gimmicky Thank The Lord For the Night Time, which effectively negated the ground she gained with her first number. “Corrine Bailey Rae,” Paula? Really? Uh, I'll have whatever she’s having. Then again, Paula also called Syesha "Brooke," and thought this was her third song of the night. Simon made one of his classic efforts to ensure Syesha’s departure by declaring that she 'may be in trouble.' Syesha responded in kind with an smarmy & unwise “Yeah? We’ll see.” I’m guessing she heard Jason sing tonight.

Don’t Cry For Me, Archuleta - Final 6 Get In Touch With Their Inner Broadway

2008-04-22T23:22:00.000-07:00

When the Brits appreciate one of their cleverest own, they sure love to pile on the honorific titles, don’t they? Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber. The Right Honorable Lord Lloyd-Webber, Baron Lloyd-Webber. Tonight’s Idol mentor [ALW], the Baron of Bombast and Grand Pooh-bah of Musical Fabulousness did not, despite popular opinion, compose his entire musical catalog for Celine Dion’s Vegas act. No, classically-trained Lloyd-Webber’s province is musical thee-a-tuh, where dramatic inspiration flourishes and continues to spread his illustrious oeuvres to the wide world, while conjuring occasional nebulous spikes of semi-familiarity even among culturally clueless Americans like ourselves. Jesus Christ Superstar, Cats, Evita, and Phantom of the Opera are among his compositional triumphs. What does all this mean for our Final 6? For the most part, it means ignoring Sir Andrew’s ridiculous protestations that his songs cannot be taken out of their original contexts… Lloyd-Webber turns out to be a passive-aggressive mentor nightmare. Let’s just try to listen and learn…

Syesha Mercado is happy to finally find herself in an Idol theme which virtually sanctions her particular musical bent, and looks pretty fabulous tonight in a slinky red dress. Sir Andrew thought that Syesha would possibly bring the house down with One Rock & Roll Too Many; and while she didn’t so much, she brought enough attitude and sexy swagger to the stage to keep her in the game for another week. But am I the only one noticing the consistent pitch problems? The cleavage card worked well on Randy & Simon, who thought she “sounded” great tonight.

Jason Castro notched the wardrobe up this week, with an off-white suit that looked like one Don Johnson might typically wear out to “Surf & Turf Night” at Benihana’s. The song was one of Sir Andy’s best known - Memory, from Cats. ALW was worried. Jason was worried. Simon wondered if Mum & Dad made him get up and sing this. Uh, no, Simon, you and the producers did, remember? I don’t happen to have the same problem all three judges do allowing Jason to step outside his prescribed genre box (Randy: “not Jack Johnson enough 4-me-4-u”). Not his best, and may put him in the bottom three…and may never get him cast in the next Guys & Dolls revival, but he did his dreaded thing, dawggies. It helps that Memories is a beautiful song.

Live television is a wonderful thing. It’s truly one of the reasons I’m here. It's also one of the reasons why Brooke “Dharma” White will go down in Idol history, with a somewhat mind-blowing lyrical snafu as she began You Must Love Me (from Evita), and an unprecdented nod to the band to 'take it from the top' (after a painful 3 second dead silence). I don’t know if Brooke got over the gaffe, but I never quite did. I would love to have been a fly on the wall in the control room. Oddly, I found it one of her most emotionally invested performances of the season. Paula was creepily unforgiving of The Mistake. The tension was as palpable and uncomfortable as…well, as it is everytime David Archeleta opens his mouth to answer one of Ryan’s questions. On the plus side, Brooke had 100% post-song charm retention. So…we love her. Don’t we, everyone? Don’t we?

L'il Dave: Eyes Wide Open

Oh, and speaking of L’il Dave, Mr. A will now sing a song that Sir Andrew does not approve the selection of because it was not written for David Archeleta. What?! “Well, if you’re going to be a complete twit and choose Think Of Me, please open your bloody eyes when you sing” (or something to that effect), said Sir Lord Andy. I gained some respect for David here for following his own arrangement muse, thereby taking the song in a decidedly more contemporary pop direction. I also think the vocal was nearly flawless. Randy said it was “da bomb,” which is an expression that I think people used to use back in the mid-1990s, to sound cool or something. Paula did her Ron Wood impression. Simon gave David a half write-off, saying it was forgettable but…he is safe. Whew, I was worried there for a second.

A very upbeat, smiley Carly Smithson looked fetching tonight in a flattering (i.e. tattoo-covering) dress, and a shimmery soft hair look. Okay, I just can’t do fashion commentary. Sir Andy ORDERED Carly to sing the theme from Jesus Christ Superstar, and — you know how the English like to push the bloody Irish around. “Sing it, Irish Eyes, or it’s back to your bleedin’ potato farm,” he shouted. "And bring me another Guiness while yer at it." I had hoped Carly would have opted for some much-needed vulnerability tonight, and wanted her to go with I Don’t Know How To Love Him — one of Lloyd-Webber’s prettier melodies. I’m somewhat surprised the song didn’t show up at all tonight. Anyway, She-Of-The-Big-Voice convincingly stomped her way through this thing, but…I’m not ‘out my chair,’ as Mr. Cowell likes to say (although her scary inky hubby was). Shouty…yes. Not her best…um-hm. The song is of a certain early 70s rock style that now sounds sort of dated, and it honestly wasn’t that great a song in the first place, people - Jesus or no Jesus. So bollocks to the bellow — choose a good song the next time is what I say, Irish Eyes. If there is a next time.

David Cook, looking cleaner & shinier than ever, chose Lloyd-Webber’s self-proclaimed “sexiest song he’s ever written,” Music of the Night from Phantom of the Opera. I have to give the Last Cook Standing props tonight for NOT trying to demonstrate his rocker chops, but instead going with the flow and singing the song more or less as it was written. Call him anything — call him the next American Idol, Chris Daughtry 2.0, the new David Cassidy, a sell-out -- just please stop calling him brave, daring and original. Having said that, I think his decision to just sing it straight was perhaps his bravest move yet, and I kinda liked it, despite the usual lower register problems. Score one for the word nerd.

I think I have finally fallen in with the judges (according to opinions they've expressed in other media outlets) in believing that Season 7 will come down to an all-David finale, 4-me-4-u. And won’t that be all weird and Davidy? If we buy into this particular premise, that means we are about to watch Jason, Syesha, Brooke and Carly drop like flies (probably in that order). Who knows?!! Or could we be headed for say, a Castro Coronation?! Did you exercise your right to power vote tonight?

Carey on, my wayward Final 7

2008-04-15T23:11:00.000-07:00

The soundtrack to the movie Glitter,
released on SEPTEMBER 11, 2001
(would I kid about a thing like that?)

There they are — our Final 7, lined up on stage, smiling a little creepily and way too big, as we are informed that it is Mariah Carey Mentor Night! We are also told that Mimi (as in “me-me-me!”) is “an unstoppable force” with nine octaves or something, and who has just supplanted Elvis Presley in his ‘Most #1 Hits’ standing. I’m sorry, I’m going to have to ignore that little tidbit, just as I will some day in the future when I’m told that the Jonas Brothers just outsold the Beatles. Yawn… But as much as I want to diss Melismatic Mimi who is really only here to promote her new album, I will give her some props for getting into the Idol spirit and being a good little mentor sport. But judging from those weird "non-contact hugs" our contestants each got, apparently the one instruction they were given was don’t dare mess up her makeup or she will scratch your eyes out. Compliments and advice from Ms. Mentor flowed freely, as our Final 7 Careyed on as best as they could under such diva-wack circumstances.

If anyone could tackle both Mariah & Whitney in one black leather trousered swoop, it would have to be L’il Dave Archuleta with When You Believe. Archu-D2 wrung every iota of vocal showcasedness out of the ding-dang song, bringing all three judges to their knees once again with his runs, walks and canters. Simon shares that he had a #1 UK hit with this song. I don’t mean to be rude, but isn’t he confusing the concept of “artist” with “money collector?” Funny, I don’t recall the Teletubby version. Anyway, in spite of his dubious English taste, Simon still thinks David is the one to beat.

Mariah who? Carly Smithson’s choice Without You was actually a pre-Mimi megahit for underappreciated singer/songwriter Harry Nilsson (following its original recording by Badfinger). This should have been a good choice for Carly [reportedly actually chosen by Simon]. I yearn for the day when she figures out she doesn’t have to overthink this thing, or try so hard, or look so unsure of herself, or sound so disconnected. The judges felt the same. They feel so sorry for her in fact, that they have become her surrogate parents; her unofficial cheerleading squad. By the end of it they were all desperately shouting “Trust yourself!” “You can do it! You can do it!” But…will she get another chance to win their hearts, and ours?

Syesha Mercato is another contestant I’ve held out a shred of hope for, hope for her to finally figure out a smarter showcase strategy for her vocal skills. But she shot herself in the foot once again tonight with her now predictable MO: a) choose a big power ballad anthem [Vanishing]; b) sing the first half low and unimpressively; and c) over-sing the second ‘power half’ in a pitchy, screechy manner. And is it my imagination, or did she go completely off-key for 3 or 4 measures, about half-way through the song? For a while there it felt a bit like she was having a John Stevens moment, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

A glittery Brooke White was back on the piano bench tonight for Hero. As usual, her obvious nervousness inexplicably seemed to boost her more than hurt her, though she did have a few sour moments. Her fish-out-of-water appeal (the Genuine One versus the Usual Suspects) is intact, and the voice was pretty strong tonight. Randy & Paula were pleased enough, but Simon felt he was getting the bun without the burger. He further explained that onion & relish were present, and yet…the tomahto was unfortunately absent. Frick & Frack protested that the burger was definitely there. If anything, it was the condiments that were missing. The buns were difficult to see, because the piano obscured the bench. This entire debate left me confused and craving some french fries, and launched Brooke’s face into major pouty-face mode.

KLC, kicking butt with painted toenails

Kristy Lee Cook was one of the contestants we should have been worried about tonight, given a theme that didn’t seem to align with what we know as her comfort zone. Simon certainly wrote her off before she got on stage. Mariah said the KLC gave her goosebumps with her rendition of Forever. Randy didn’t like it at first; then, he did. But then, he didn’t. Paula was blown away. Tonight, I am falling squarely in the Mariah/Paula camp. One must open one’s mind to the fact that regardless of KLC's past failures, and what we [Simon] may have thought she was capable of, she ultimately did kick the song’s butt, in her own down home way. That’s all I’m saying. Yeah, I liked all three parts, wheelhouse boy.

Self-described word-nerd David Cook, looking oddly shiny and happy, hit the back-lit stage again tonight to turn another poppity-pop song into an original, brilliant, daring work of indie rock art — well, all according to Simon, anyway. With Always Be My Baby as his canvas and brood as his brush, Cook followed his now-familiar method, applying a slowed-down intensified arrangement to what once was an upbeat pop song. Did it work? Well, yes, but the first half found David in his uncomfortable lower registers, so it wasn’t till the jam-out power notes that he could shine on. But I'm not mad at him. And was that ailing brother AC in the house tonight?

Like the two Cooks, Jason Castro must have found the notion of Mariah Carey song week somewhat daunting. Or, maybe he just had to toke a little harder this week, eventually finding his inner Mimi. Mimi, on the other hand, had noticable difficulty relating to JC. She did give him the benefit of her doubt; but in the end, much doubt seemed to remain. But not to worry…he did put his signature feel-good spin on I Don’t Wanna Cry, in a somewhat uneven performance that may have been salvaged by the stonger chorus parts. Randy pulled a Simon and said it reminded him of a "beach luau performance," even without the ukulele. Paula wants to attend said luau, and has already ordered two Mai Tai's and has been fitted for a grass skirt. Simon thought it was a “cool vocal,” but then, Hawaii was not yet a state when he was born.

Michael Johns' departure last week proved that we do not know jack about the ridiculous ways of the popular vote, or more importantly — the non-vote. But if I ruled the voting machines and controlled all the hanging chads, I'd be sending Syesha home this week. Carly is not so safe either.

Idol Pinch #5 - What we apparently forgot to do

2008-04-14T20:11:00.000-07:00

The Forgettable Fire - Final 8 in a Pre-Give-Back Mode

2008-04-08T23:13:00.000-07:00

In honor of this week’s 2nd Annual “Idol Pats Itself On The Back” Variety Telethon-tacular which threatens to give back in a big way while simultaneously devouring your entire Wednesday evening, our Final 8 were charged with performing ditties that temporarily make them forget that they’re actually here to win. A boob-a-docious Paula located the perfect dosage of pharmaceutical inspiration, and couldn’t quite love and worship each contestant enough (again) this week. And what happened to Randy? Once merely the clueless buffoon on the panel, he has blossomed this season into a haplessly arrogant and rude clueless buffoon. Buffoonery is still clearly his wheelhouse. Perhaps the producers should introduce some “shut up, Randy” theme music, like they do when Oscar speeches get too long. But then we might only find out what he thought about the beginning part and the middle part of the song, before probably not liking the last section. You see, in RJ’s world, all songs divide neatly into 3 parts which much be judged separately, even if it’s Paula’s turn to speak now.

Michael Johns, who so sublimely ushered out the show last week with a little blue-eyed soul was given the opportunity to usher this one in, with Aerosmith’s classic Dream On, again with the dubious ascot thingy. I’ve never been a huge fan of the song, but it was a good choice for Michael’s particular skills, and he kicked it well enough. The two Robert Plant-wannabe hernia-inducing falsetto parts which were ridiculous when Steven Tyler sang it were left intact here, and were…just as ridiculous from Michael. Paula thought he sounded as good as he looked…can I get an Amen, ladies? RJ and Simon want Michael to stop playing at Rock Star and behave like a good little outback R&B singer. He’s quite safe, however.

Syesha Mercado, never one to shy away from those power ballad anthems that are way too big for her voice, struck again with the unwise selection of I Believe, the song that the incomparable Fantasia blew the roof and doors off the house with on the night she WON American Idol. So, I ask you: how could Syesha have possibly pulled this off? To give her credit, she can semi-handle the bigger songs, but she’s generally a notch or two short of bringing them all the way home; so she should stop choosing them. Such was the case here. She may find herself in the bottom 3 again on Thursday.

When I read a spoiler blurb this afternoon saying that Jason Castro would be singing Over The Rainbow, I immediately guessed he would do the Israel Kamakawiwo Ole version (heard while the credits rolled at the end of 50 First Dates). And of course he did, ukulele & all [Savant self-congrats here]. Well I don’t want to spoil the luau — I have an open mind about outside-the-box song covers and the South Pacific islands, and I even took uke lessons as a kid — and yet, I don’t happen to like this version. If you thought Jason was forgetting the lyrics over and over again — no — it was Mr. Kamakawiwo Ole who screwed up the lyrics and thereby ruined the inherent poignancy of the song. The original lyrics were perfectly penned and really shouldn’t be messed with, in my opinion. So there. But yeah, Jason sang this crummy version well and he was the judges’ big ukulele hero tonight.

Despite two pretty good back-to-back weeks, Kristy Lee Cook has taken to wearing an element of fatalistic surrender on her sleeve. Even her song choice tonight - Martina McBride’s Anyway seemed to have been chosen as a potential swan song for herself. The message sort of being 'don’t give up, even though it’s not fair that you got this far on American Idol, and now those bastards are going to send you home.' And so Kristy sang the song like she had nothing to lose — “You can pour your soul out singing a song you believe in / that tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang / Sing it anyway.” She sang anyway, and she sang it pretty well, too. So…she may have bought herself another week.

Front-runner /crowd fave David Cook played the resplendent dandy rocker in a white Sgt. Pepperesque jacket, chose the obscure Innocent from Our Lady Peace. And while I know the line about finding a cure for cancer resonated with him (as brother AC fights the disease), this really was not the greatest song choice for Cook’s voice. The lower registers were awkward, and the song just never really delivered the goods. Simon found him to be “pompous” this week (I reckon that's better than “cruise ship”), but at least allowed that the “give back” Sharpie tattoo on the palm was a nice touch. David will lose no fans this week.

Jefferson Airplane's Grace Slick, looking decidedly Carly-esque, some 30-odd years ago.

Simon correctly summed up Carly Smithson’s performance of Queen’s The Show Must Go On as an “angry” one. I have found this to be the case with some of her other performances, too — very well sung — but doesn’t she look like she wants to bite the head off a pidgeon or something? And this is a very dark song, actually, for Inspirational Night, with lyrics like “Inside my heart is breaking / My make-up may be flaking / But my smile still stays on.” Would it hurt so much to actually show that smile, during the song? And I’d actually like to see evidence of her feminine side — I’m guessing she has one under all that inky darkness. She did nothing to help herself tonight, except to wisely refrain from talking back to the judges. Bottom three bound?

David Archuleta - I’m really not sure what Robbie Williams’ song Angels is all about, but I learned that Randy likes it a lot (“crazy hot!”), and Simon thinks it’s the greatest thing since sliced scones and orange marmalade. But wait a minute Lil’ Dave, you’re not off the hook yet. Simon pointed out that this was not your best vocal (that’s true)…but that you are still the Lord Mayor of Shoe-in-ville. Davey at his worst is still the master at That Thing He Does.

Blue-eyed latter-day flower child Brooke White, in her second dutiful Carole King cover of the season, wants us to know that We Have A Friend. That’s right — regardless of the season. And ain’t that good to know? Oh sure, I love the song, just like you do. And it was pleasant, as Simon pointed out. Randy is not mad at her — whew! What a relief. Paula actually said “I Love You” to Ms. White, which elicited an unhesitant “I love you, too” from Brooke. I think I need a Kleenex. And a hug. Uh, pardon me while I go vote for my new friend…

It's getting tougher to call these things, especially when David C and Carly fared less than well, and with KLC and J-Cast both having had surprisingly good performance nights. The process of elimination is telling me that things are not looking so good for Ms. Mercado.

Working 9 [down] To 8

2008-04-01T23:39:00.000-07:00

Our first "mentor night" of the season ushers prolific songwriter, singer, actress and pop culture icon Dolly Parton to the show. Parton served not so much as an actual mentor but as an inspirational figurehead and unifying musical theme, as an interesting mix of her many hits (some famous, some not) were volleyed about by our final 9 contestants. The other very special thing about tonight, at least according to Paula, is that each and every contestant was gorgeous and glorious, and that doesn’t happen often, does it? What was Simon’s problem, you ask? Regardless of what he tries to tell us, he just doesn’t get country music. Sure, he gets those Carrie Underwood royalty checks, but not country music.

Brooke White kicked it off with one of my personal favorites - a true country classic - Jolene, #217 on Rolling Stone’s list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. The song also gained more recent coolness cred when the White Stripes covered it in their Blackpool concert video. All the pieces of the puzzle seemed to be in place here: the acoustic guitar, the fiddle, the “black horse & cherry tree” beatbox thingy, and Brooke’s quasi-countryfied hairdo. And as usual, it was all somewhat compelling. But I’m sorry to say that my connection with my armchair was unsevered. Truthfully, Brooke ain't country enough to sing this - she can come back & try it again after some be-yotch with big hair tries to steal her man.

David Cook, armed tonight with an acoustic guitar and a re-directioned comb-over, took on Little Sparrow. But not until after he and Ryan once again devoted 2 minutes to more damage control and more kissing up to the artists of the perpetually controversial purloined Cook arrangements. Okay? Okay! Case closed! Now, let David sing his favorite Dolly Parton song, unfettered by previously metalized arrangements! This performance was good, and did show off some previously unrevealed falsetto skills (or as RJ & Paula say “good false,” B-cuz check-it-out “falsetto” is for fools, y’all). But 4 me dawg, 4 me, it was just okay. I just didn’t love the song. Simon said that he succeeded in making a song about a sparrow good, and you know how much he hated Blackbird because it was really about sparrows. Note to contestants: avoid all future sparrow songs.

Poor Ramiele Malubay did not seem to have any bridge to this genre, and it showed in a pitchy Do I Ever Cross Your Mind? Nor did she have any residual infirmities on which to blame this particular hot mess. Simon assigned his classic “cruise ship” simile to it, but I would expand on that and say it was more of a karaoke bar on a cruise ship in the Bermuda Triangle sort of thing. On the plus side, she’s still adorable.

Jason (Aw, shucks, do you really think I’m cute?) Castro chose the lesser known Traveling Through, which sort of chugged along comfortably and suited his range and laid-back singing style well. To his credit, he made a noticable effort to kick up his vocal dynamics a few notches, which this song allowed him to do in places. Randy thought he worked it out and Paula thought it was one his strongest performances. Agenda-istic Cowell didn’t like the song; is tired of Jason, so very tired. He never wants to see another dreadlock in his life. Go away, Jason - cue music.

Carly Smithson, with whom I have a “love/hate,” or rather a “like sometimes/don’t like sometimes” relationship, may have had her 'Kelly Clarkson Moment' tonight with her truly original take on Here You Come Again. I do believe this was one of her strongest and (perhaps more importantly) most likeable performances of the season, and if nothing else was undeniably solid and heartfelt. And very green, too - after the show, her mascara was recycled and made into a set of Ford F-150 tires. Fashion scion Simon did not like various stuff here, including the song, and Carly's clothing, about which he was projecting his own anxiety, as he struggled with a silent yet difficult wedgie.

David Archuleta, like him or not, did what he does best with Smokey Mountain Memories — sang the crap out the song - and in a manner that was once again on a much higher vocal skill level than any other contestant to hit the stage so far tonight. Does that mean you like him? I guess not, since he seems to annoy some and has fallen from favor since the beginning of the season. But he did Daddy Dearest proud tonight and should sleep soundly, and by that I mean that the wire hangers will be staying in the closet for at least one more week.

Kristy Lee Cook was unhappy to discover this week that although Dolly has covered the Battle Hymn of the Republic a few times in concert, it is not considered part of her catalog, and was therefore off-limits. And so she was forced to choose a song that extolls Motherhood, Coat of Many Colors. Like Jolene, this is another true classic, and Kristy has the chops to sing it…but not to make me want to stand up and salute it. Randy said country was Kristy’s "wheelhouse," coining a meaningless phrase as far as I’m concerned. I guess that means that manure is Randy's wheelhouse. Paula thought she looked stunning and that it was a beautiful performance. Simon said it was pleasant and forgettable. The thing that may go down in Idol histrory here was KLC’s metaphoric middle finger, extended in the form of a tangibly disgusted “Thank You, Simon!” and accompanying blown kiss, the audaciousness of which I have never witnessed in 6 years of American Idol.

If you knew that tonight was Dolly Parton night and did not guess that Syesha Mercado was going to choose to sing “I Will Always Love You,” then I want you to go stand in the corner for 10 minutes. Go on, and hang your head down — I’ll wait for you to get back. Dolly wrote this song and made a mega-hit of it when Whitney Houston was 11 years old, and closed every episode of her syndicated 1970s TV program with the song. The point is, it really is a Dolly Parton song, not a Whitney song (are you listening, Randy?). Dolly said that Syesha was doing some sort of hybrid version, and maybe that’s so. The problem was, she tried hard to be Whitney at the end & failed. The money note lasted 3 measures too long, and was one big hot screech. Simon was right - it was not a savvy selection for Syesha.

Chevy Chase
in the early 70s,
pre-figuring a
Michael Johns

If we can agree that Michael Johns raised his game last week, I think it would be hard to dispute that he raised it to unprecedented heights in the Pimp Spot position tonight, with It’s All Wrong, But It’s Alright. I have been a sometime disciple, but Michael just made a real believer out of me. He has always brought a level of confidence and stage presence to the party, and often some worthy vocals; but this time out, he nearly reinvented himself. The vocal was exceptionally nuanced and strong. And girls - didn’t he look good (I'm not sure - you'll have to tell me)? As Simon said, this was his best vocal yet on American Idol, and the best performance of the night. Agreed. This rocked, and secures his spot in the final…3.

Who will go home? We should not forget that Syesha was in the bottom 2 last week, and that Ramiele should have been. Accordingly, it should be between the 2 of them.

Idol portraits from Getty Images
Dolly Parton illustration by Robert Risko

Top Ten Revisit Cute Infant Pasts, In Song

2008-03-25T23:38:00.000-07:00

In other baby news…Josiah “Cry-baby” Leming signed a major recording contract with Warner Brothers, never having had the pleasure of viewing the inside of the beautiful Nokia Theatre. Way to go, dude - now can buy yourself a Winnebago, or at least perhaps a Kia station wagon. Our exalted Top 10, having just barely survived the painful & harrowing Beatles Night II, are challenged tonight to choose songs from their respective birth years and face down their baby pictures, diaper rashes and all. And tonight I'm compelled to ask the question……The judges: what are they good for? If you (like me) think they are insane, remember this: there IS an Idol War Room, where every week, agendas plotted and decisions made - Who must be propped up this week? Who must be taken down a notch? or even booted? This fact explains all sorts of Cowell craziness, exluding perhaps his particularly unkempt appearance, gray v-neck sweater over rumpled white v-neck t-shirt.

Ramiele Malubay (1987) tackles Heart's Alone (covered already this season by Carly), solidifying her standing in the final 10 as the little girl with the big voice who has no idea how to distinguish herself. Rami really does have a big voice - though screechy at times, and perhaps deserves her place in the Top 10, but tonight also deserves…to go home. This performance was spirited enough, but plagued by pitch problems. Yeah, she's in real trouble this time.

Jason Castro (1987) appeared on stage this week once again strumming an acoustic guitar, and warbling Sting’s Fragile. Kudos for the song choice - this is certainly a beautiful song that is well suited to Jason’s limited range and quiet magic (thank you, Paula). This was on some level JCast’s most ‘muscular’ performance, yet still hung squarely in his Safe Zone, which can be a somewhat boring zone. I know that Jason fanbase -- the teenyboppers who can’t get enough of those baby blues, pearly whites, and braidy extensions, which will probably keep him safe. But how long can he bank on all that?

I want to be sure to give Syesha Mercado (1987) all kinds of extra props this week. Why? Because I usually don’t. And because she KILLED! As the last female African-American contestant standing, she did herself very proud by choosing Gladys Knight’s soulful & brilliant If I Were Your Woman, and by knocking it out of the ballpark. God, I hate it when I agree with Randy, but Syesha nailed this thing in every way, with a stellar note-perfect performance that simultaneously managed to comtemporize and stay true to a soul classic. Power, control, nuance, vocal originality -- it was all there. This was something of a cheat, since it was a Gladys hit in 1971, and just a Stephanie Mills cover in '87, but I can forgive that. Her best performance ever, by far, on American Idol.

Chikezie (1985) Pre-show inner monologue: Should I follow my instincts and give them a soulful emotion-filled ballad? Or, should I listen to past criticisms of the judges, and be original? And by being original, how far can I take my gimmicky-ness? Therein lies Chikezie’s problem -- he can’t reconcile who is is with what he thinks the judges want him to be, and makes bad choices as a result. I thought that he made a good choice tonight with Luther Vandross’ If Only For One Night. It just felt right for him; smooth & assured and in his comfort zone. Not exactly a homerun, but not terrible either . Randy hated it and Simon thought it was cheesy, once again leaving Chik justifiably confused. I think Simon got this one wrong.

Brooke White (1983) at the piano again proved that it is better to screw up before you begin than somewhere in mid-song. The judges were unfazed by her false start to the Police’s Every Breath You Take. While I am still a card-carrying member of the “Brooke is A-OK” club, I have to say that this performance did not slay me. And truth be told, this is rightfully a dark song -- not a love ballad. Her trump card is the tonal quality of her voice, which is satisfying enough to salvage a fairly boring performance, which this was in the final analysis.

Everything did seem to come together for Michael Johns (1978) tonight. His mother said he always wanted to be ‘the bist,’ and this performance of We Will Rock You/We Are The Champions probably was certainly among his Bist. Sure, he blatently chose to attempt a recreation of his Hollywood Week success with a Bohemian Rhapsody, but that’s forgivable, because he pretty much nailed this one. Michael delivered the goods with his signature non-chalant confidence. As a performance, you can easily see why Simon saw “star potential” in him for the first time tonight.

Well, whaddya know? Carly Smithson (1983) was named after Carly Simon. It’s a funny little world, ain’t it? Love or hate the epic Total Eclipse of the Heart (and the judges seem to do the latter), you have to admit that it is a vocal showcase sort of song. An anthem, if you will -- a melodramatic vehicle that is all over the place rhythmically, melodically, and dynamically. There’s a big payoff for the big-voiced big-heeled singer who can pull it off -- and a potential disaster for the one who screws it up. None of these considerations were weighed by our clueless judges, who decided to hate the performance because they hated the song (except for Paula, who managed to feel the magic). BTW Randy, please shut up after your turn; that is…while the other judges are trying to speak. Thank you. So…was Carly up to this prodigious vocal challenge? Yes, she was. So what’s the problem here? Faith & Begora!

David Archuleta (1990) - “This time, we know we all can stand together / With the power to be powerful. / We're all someone's daughter / We're all someone's son / How long can we look at each other / Down the barrel of a gun?” Could we have been missing something here? Not only can the boy sing, but he apparently has a social justice agenda. Ain’t that “Idol” enough for our judges? David sang John Farnham’s You’re The Voice, and I’m sorry - I’m a little miffed that the judges get all confused & pissy when contestants show this level of originality in song selection - i.e., choose something that never made the Billboard Top 10. Simon glanced down at his Simile Spreadsheet and noted that he had not used “Theme Park” in 3 years, so it was time to trot it out. As for me, it was not only better than theme park, it was very fine.

Kristy Lee Cook (1984) In 1775 Samuel Johnson noted that patriotism is the “last refuge of a scoundral.” Oscar Wilde called patriotism a “virtue of the vicious.” Songwriter Lee Greenwood was apparently oblivious to these pronouncements when he penned the ridiculous God Bless The USA, and American Idol’s Kristy Lee Cook (who desperately needed to score tonight) was crazy [like a fox] when she chose to sing it tonight. The judges all ignored the one thing I couldn’t get past - the blatent jingoism and even cynicism in Kristy’s calculated choice. Short of appearing on stage in some stage of undress, Kristy made the next most obvious strategic move -- flag-waving. The good news: the vocal was solid - one of her best to date, as the judges noted. And Simon rightfully called it the “cleverest song choice EVER.” She is safe, and perhaps should be the next mayor of New York City. Tonight, Kristy makes me want to…be a better American.

David Cook (1972) - Okay, David - I’ve got your number. You are the primary purveyor of other people’s cool original covers of songs. You cover the covers, and that’s cool enough for A.I. But perhaps not as original as it appears. First it was Incubus’ take on Lionel Ritchie’s Hello. Then it was Doxology’s Eleanor Rigby. Tonight, in the coveted Pimp Spot, it is Chris Cornell’s dreary version of Michael Jackson’s Billie Jean. To compare, go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2MgwAJrfXo. Apart from all that, how was it? Well, Cook showed off his considerable vocal skills. Simon said he was amazing, which rang true by American Idol standards. But outside this particular bubble, you know, people are doing interesting covers all the time - so, how amazing was it, really? Just…good.

Tonight's performance standouts for me were Syesha & Michael. Who should go home? Ramiele, for god's sake.

Idol portraits from Getty Images

Final 11 Show No Mersey On Magical Misery Tour

2008-03-18T23:59:00.000-07:00

Roll over John Lennon, and tell McCartney the news

Beatles songs were back “by popular demand,” as our “best ever” contestants presented arguably the worst performance night in American Idol history. I even considered not writing the recap tonight, and substituting it with a transcript of Simon's critiques, every word of which was spot-on correct. Lennon & Harrison lie spinning in their graves tonight, and McCartney ain’t feeling so well himself. For the most part, the Trainwreck 11 undid anything positive they may have achieved last week, failing tonight both to connect with the Beatles’ music and to show any wisdom whatsoever in choosing the right songs. They managed to make a should-have-been-one-hour show last two hours and feel like four. Four really, really, really bad hours. The only way this could have been worse is if Danny Noriega had showed up for a surprise performance of Lovely Rita. And why was the audience screaming insanely through every song?

Roll up for the magical misery tour…

Amanda Overmyer predictably applied her signature pitchy nicotine-stained growl to Back in the USSR. Simon well noted the messiness of it all, to which Mandy-O retorted that she was demonstrating what her concerts will have to offer her public. “Your tickets are not on sale yet, my dear.” Touché, Mr. Cowell.

If there’s any way that pretty little kick-boxer Kristy Lee Cook could have topped her haywagon-wreck performance from last week she managed to do it tonight, with a rendition of You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away (another abysmal song choice) that was so Wrong in Every Way that I am simply at a loss for words. She assured Simon that given the chance she could blow him out of his socks and he knows it, perhaps unwittingly giving America some insight into how she got here and/or why she’s still in the competition. Or maybe she just knows something we don’t about his socks.

David Archuleta again displayed his competition-crushing keenly developed song selection skills with his choice The Long And Winding Road. A beautiful song, sung beautifully. Everyone within earshot loved it, including his evil stage dad - no piano string whupping for Lil' Davey tonight - whew! [And many thanks to sis, for pointing out that the Bumble’s smile is very Archulescent.]

Michael Johns chose A Day in The Life for the wrong reasons - it’s a good song and it is his favorite Beatle song. Crikey, Mikey. As great a work of art as it is (when the Beatles recorded it), it is not a singer’s song, it was nowhere near this singer’s song, and overall was just another Beatle cover trainwreck. And…he missed the falsetto highs and flubbed the ending lyrics. As it turns out, this was all done for his unfortunately dead mate. Now we know how many holes it takes to fill Alibi Hall.

Yes, it finally happened - the SunnyBrooke Bubble has burst. What was the deal with Brooke White’s rendition of George Harrison’s Here Comes The Sun (yet another horrible choice)? The string arrangement was spooky - seemingly prepared for a different song being performed simultaneously in some other dimension, or on the sun, perhaps. Everybody loves Brooke, but no one loved this performance. Pretty [painful] in yellow.

With a 'rocking' Whitesnake-inspired arrangement of Day Tripper, David Cook essentially tried to mirror his own success from last week, keeping it all in a similar groove. Again with the guitar solo, this time Framptonized with a vocoder for a few extra credit points. This was one of the least wrong performances on stage tonight, but Simon was a bit non-plussed this time around. But…you know Cook ain’t goin’ nowhere.

A somewhat scary-looking Carly Smithson applied her extra-strength chantreusance and dark intensity to McCartney’s gentle Blackbird, with somewhat mixed results. Paula thought that Carly is “A Gift.” This was Simon’s week to summarily diss her, saying the song selection was unwise. Carly subsequently had to redeem her choice on the basis of the fact that she herself had suffered from BWS (Broken Wing Syndrome) and happily, she has now learned to fly. And, um…she sang it in honor of a dead mate, perhaps, who should have/could have learned to fly. Look! She got a number 7 tattooed on her finger, to help us decide how to vote! So many more weeks to go here — gosh, I hope she doesn’t run out of skin.

Jason Castro’s geeky butcherization of Michelle sits near the top of my worst-of-the-night list. Paula actually got it right when she noted that J-Cast had turned a sensitive song into a jaunty polka. And Simon was also on the money when he noted that if it weren’t for that goofy Vinnie Barbarino grin, the performance would have fallen flat on its dreads. Yes, he’s charming. But this week I am weighing the Charm against the weak delivery, the pitchiness, and the really bad French…and the Charm is losing ground.

I’ll give Syesha Mercado credit for choosing McCartney's fool-proof classic ballad Yesterday. But she seemed to be singing it slightly above her own comfort key, so I felt a few strained moments. But overall, it worked, and was pleasant enough. Simon felt it was good enough to assure her at least another week, so…it also probably didn’t hurt that she had blatently played the cleavage card.

Like David C., Chikezie tried to make last week’s successful formula work for him again this week. So he transbastardized I’ve Just Seen A Face from too-slow ballad to hillbilly hoedown in 30 seconds flat. I’m sorry, dude - I really don’t know what you were thinking/smoking. Kristy Lee Cook is beginning to sound better to me all of a sudden. This was one achy-breaky trainwreck in Liverpudlian Hell. I enjoyed nothing about it, except perhaps the lack of Taylor Hicks dance moves.

Ramiele Malubay chose I Should Have Known Better with which to stage the last vehiclewreck en route to Beatleville of the evening. Yes, of course it’s an infectous upbeat song, but so wrong for her — not to mention pitchy and forgettable. To say nothing of the dubious white Britneyesque fedora from the Imelda Marcos Collection, which couldn't possibly have helped the situation. She should have known better.

Whoever gets voted out tomorrow will not occupy a spot on the 2008 Summer Tour. Who will go home? I have no clue, but at the moment I'm thinking ‘Who cares?’

Final 12 Want To Hold Our Hands

2008-03-11T23:04:00.000-07:00

Photo by
David Bailey

As a major Beatles fan and Beatles Purist, I generally like my Lennon/McCartney tunes straight up - that is to say, performed by the Beatles. I will avoid the oh-so-loaded discussion regarding the dubiousness of introducing this music to American Idol tonight. I will give some props — song choices and arrangements were generally good, and overall it was much less of a Liver-waste-pool that I thought it would be. You know, it’s 2008 and Prince is undergoing hip-replacement surgery, so I guess all bets are off. Ryan was inexplicably giddy tonight, and the judges seemed madly intent on outing him at every turn. Boys meet girls tonight on the same show, on a big new stage, with band in the rafters, with better wardrobe, hair & makeup.

Let's see if We Can Work It Out:
I’m only now realizing how much Syesha Mercado reminds me of a young Diana Ross, for better or worse. She chose to perform the funky Earth, Wind & Fire version of Got To Get You Into My Life (originally from the seminal Revolver album), horns & all. Simon thought this was better than last week, and I thought it may be my favorite performance of hers so far. Not mind-blowing, but yes, very good.

Chikezie’s take on She’s A Woman was totally whack; original and insane, and ultimately satisfying and redeeming. From a banjo pick-and-grin opening morphing into a full-blown rockout, Chik was a man on fire. Perhaps last week’s near vote-off made him feel he had nothing to lose. Ryan seemed more impressed than anyone, as he fought to collect his breath after the song.

We learn that Ramiele Malubay smells like soy sauce and is from the Philippines. She chose one of Lennon’s best and most personal songs In My Life, and sang it very well. But in the context of a night that has ‘blockbuster’ written all over it, a quiet ballad doesn’t exactly cut it. I actually liked it, but as the judges pointed out, it was a relatively boring performance. Simon was harsh.

Jason Castro - I was most impressed (in the pre-performance video) by the fact that Jason is in fact quite capable of talkativeness and even articulation. Jason chose a beautiful early Lennon-McCartney song If I Fell, which is a very difficult song to sing. In the original recording, John Lennon sings lead but lands on the low harmony while Paul picks up his higher slack. Jason was left to make vocal sense of this dichotomy as a solo singer and did a pretty decent job. I liked it overall, but didn’t feel his heart as much as Paula did, or as much as Paula felt that the audience felt his heart. Simon felt his heart not at all, but still likes Jason.

At this juncture (and throughout the show) there is an extended period of Simon-Ryan repartee which seemed to revolve around hints that Ryan is closeted gay. One gets the sense that he will be 100% outed by the end of Season 7.

Carly Smithson took on Lennon’s brilliant Come Together. She hinted in advance that she would change it up, but I say that she stayed pretty close to the original - which doesn’t make me not like the performance - I just thought she was going to pull something bold and crazy out of her potato bag. God, I hate to agree with Randy, but as he said — there really wasn't one false note. This was on the money, and rocked the house just like an ale-slinging Irish girl San Diegan should. Simon cited this as a Kelly Clarkson moment, which may have been just a tad hyperbolous. And why do I find her cloying reaction to Simon's words so annoying?

After admittng that B+ will no longer cut it on this stage, the surprisingly tall David Cook took on Eleanor Rigby, sans guitar. A la Randy Jackson when he’s not really sold, I will say that he ‘worked it out,’ and perhaps redeemed himself on the chorus, but I was not loving the song selection. It was odd that Paula called David a dark horse given the blinding light show, but Last Word Cowell called it ‘brilliant.’ David is quite safe, but methinks that Simon exaggerates here. Good…yes.

Our shining blonde light of Gooditude Brooke White commandeered the acoustic piano for a Paul McCartney moment, singing the somewhat too-iconic Let It Be. This was a very straight-up arrangement, salvaged ultimately by Brooke’s inherently endearingly earnest raspy delivery. Paula could feel her heart, and Simon is still in love…I thought it was good enough, but I’m not so out of my chair this week.

David Hernandez recounted his past as a Pizza Bistro employee, conveniently skipping his decidedly less-clad past at Dick’s Strip-A-Torium. His energetic take on I Saw Her Standing There left much to be desired, as all three judges pointed out. Simon likened it to “a rabbit in the headlights,” while I thought it was just more like a very pitchy rabbit. He is slightly less safe this week.

The continuingly younger & cuter version of Amanda O was still somewhat overmyered in her pseudo-Joplinessence as she vocally reimagined You Can’t Do That. I give the performance an A for originality and perhaps a B for execution. While tonight she somewhat revisited her pitchy past at times, she did deliver (as RJ said) something akin to a ‘southern bar rockout.’ And for whatever her shortcomings, she delivered a very money ending. I agree with Cowell, who liked her but found it ‘not as good as last week,’ but still a ‘breath of fresh air.’

My take on Michael Johns performance of Across The Universe is three-fold. I love the song, I love his good taste in choosing the song, and I really can’t fault his delivery. In short, this may be my favorite performance of his so far. Paula has moved from colors to textures, and Simon referred to Carly as “that Irish girl”while he compared Michael negatively to her. I don’t agree with Simon - I think this was every bit as good as Carly.

First daughter
Jenna Bush,
looking very
Kristy Lee-like

Kick-boxing horse-riding country girl Kristy Lee Cook continued her reign of Unfulfilled Promise by attempting a country version of Eight Days A Week. There are many Lennon-McCartney songs that can translate well to a country version such as I’ve Just Seen A Face, and I Don’t Want To Spoil The Party, so I think that once again Kristy has fallen victim to wrong song syndrome. I didn’t hate this as much as Simon did, but if she survives this week, she needs to blow it out of the creekwater next time out, or she will surely be a goner.

Even the Idol shoe-ins must have their Bad Days, and I guess David Archuleta’s performance of the Stevie Wonder version of We Can Work it Out didn’t quite work it out. You can tell when David is having a bad day, because he smiles even more insanely than usual. But…even at his worst — and I wouldn’t even call this bad by any means - David remains head & shoulders above some. He did have a minor lyrical flub, which no one really would have noticed if Paula hadn’t pointed it out. Checks and balances…

Who goes home? This was a good night for most, and perhaps most underwhelming for Ramiele. That's all I'm saying.

Originality is Relative

2008-03-08T19:43:00.000-08:00

It seems that Brooke White's arrangement of Love Is A Battlefield has been done before — by Pat Benatar herself. Dang it - we are so gullible, aren't we? But we still love you, Brooke.

You're not off the hook, either, David Cook, with your "original" rocker take on Incubus' original rocker take on Lionel Ritchie's Hello:

Idol Pinch #4

2008-03-08T07:12:00.000-08:00

In honor of upcoming Beatles week, we present this - perhaps David Archuleta's first known videotaped performance. Better, better, better, better, better, aaaahhhhhhgggggghhhhh! [we kid - this is not David A.].

Top 8 Girls - Whitney With Your Best Shot

2008-03-05T23:59:00.000-08:00

If you have ever doubted that Whitney Houston in her prime was an incomparable singer with extraordinary talent, simply buy the DVD box set [not yet released] of American Idol Seasons 1-7 to watch dozens of Houston covers by young ladies who could never live up to the vocal challenge. The time is ripe for a letter writing campaign asking Fox to permanently ban the singing of Whitney Houston songs on American Idol. I’m only thinking of you, America. And you, too, FremantleMedia. Oh, and while you're at it, go ahead and ban Celine, too. Also…could they please start putting quotation marks around the word "News?"

Tonight, the top eight ladies do the eighties, and also confess their worst moments, up to but not including tonight. And Randy & Paula perform the Dingleberry Dance on live television, granting Simon sort of a “last sane judge standing” cachet.

Oh, and speaking of Whitney…why, look over there (!) — Asia’h Epperson has taken the stage and I Wanna Dance With Somebody is actually emitting from her mouth. Whaddya know? This performance was 70% cheergirl perk, 30% vocal ability. Strained, flat, and just so unnecessary…when there were 500 songs on the 80s choice list. But then, this is coming from a girl whose most embarrassing life moment in life was falling down on her butt while roller skating. I've had more embarrassing moments just in the last two days. Simon says ‘good enough to make it another week,’ but…certainly not good enough to properly kick-start this ho-down.

Kady Malloy’s most embarrassing experience was…a bad vocal performance! That tells us just about all we need to know, doesn’t it? The opening bars of of Queen’s dreary Who Wants To Live Forever? confirmed the rest — that Kady is at her best when she is doing 5-second soundbytes of Britney. This performance was the very definition of the word “pitchy,” a word that really exists only in the land of Randeenia. I will bet my autographed copy of Baby One More Time that Ms. Malloy will be gone come Friday morning. A better song choice may have saved her, but I doubt it.

Amanda Overmyer is back. And she’s meatier, beatier, bolder, more kick-assier, as she should be and should remain, forever & ever. Now with more protein, less cholesterol and no trans fat. The hair & makeup geniuses took 10 years off her appearance last week, and ten more this week, so that she has now regressed to how she looked at her junior prom, before they dropped the pig’s blood on her. And my god, she’s cute! She’s appealing & almost pretty! She's singing Hate Myself For Loving You, and she's on pitch! I’m liking Harley Girl this week, and so is Simon, the only sober judge on the show tonight. Put another dime in the jukebox, baby.

Carly Smithson - Cyndi Lauper’s I Drove All Night (To Get To You) sounds like the 80s to me [and what has Celine Dion not covered?]. So, yeah - this one rocked in a relentless pogo beat sort of way; was assertive and sexy, and completely filled the bill for Carly tonight. She looked good, too — the girl is clearly playing to win now, and doing just fine. Paula couldn’t find enough adjectives to describe Carly’s voice — she must have left her Good Vibrations Thesaurus in the limo, on top of her Rubbermaid 18-gallon pillbox. Simon opined that Carly is actually a million times better than this song. Maybe a valid point — she could have been better, and will surely get the chance to try.

Regular readers of this blog (it could happen…) may recall that I am no fan of the Journey catalog. So I was surprised to find myself somewhat enjoying Kristy Lee Cook’s country-fied and completely unJourney-fied version of Faithfully. If she hadn’t so rearranged it, I would have so hated it, but it was okay in down home "I miss my filly" kind of way. Simon still insists that Kristy is forgettable and will make it no further than the #10 slot. Wait a minute, Simon — Mikaleh Gordon ended up as #9, and she never had to sell any livestock…

Ramiele Malubay (uh, that’s “rah-me-elle,” RJ, not “Rah-ma-lee”) committed one of my Idol cardinal sins — covering the ever-boring Against All Odds, another one that begs for a perma-ban, if not a planetary ban. Ramiele is an interesting Idol case study — an attractive girl with huge vocal skills and the ability to put her own mark on any song, who steadfastly refuses to embrace her Inner Star. She can deliver the sonic goods, but at the end of the day is just some chick at the mall seeking more highlights and a new pair of stone-washed jeans, while deciding on her next really horrible song choice. She may be in trouble.

Brooke White once hugged the wrong dad. Would someone psychoanalyze this, please — stet? Brooke is a welcome drink of clear blue water on a fairly thirsty Ladies Night, with her righteous rasp and bare acoustic version of Benatar’s Love Is A Battlefield. She proved once again that song choice plus the all-important stamp of originality is money on this show. Nothing wrong with Pat’s original, but there was an emotional truth here that arguably made it all better. Dumb & Drunker completely didn’t get it. Hooray: Simon plays Mark Darcy to Brooke’s Bridget Jones, asserting that he likes her just the way she is. Guess that makes Randy & Paula the hapless Daniel Cleaverettes, lying beaten in the street.

Syesha Hakuna Mercato - Whitney [heavy sigh] Houston’s Saving All My Love For You was not too big a song for Syesha’s voice, or ego. However, as predictable as this is to say, she is not Whitney Houston. I guess she somewhat Syesha-ized it, but in the final analysis, uhh…whatever. Syesha should be safe this week, but is it too late to vote for Kimberly Locke?

Who will go home? Kady, and hmmm…any one of the minorities [sorry]. Yes, I will stand by that.
Who wins Top 8 night? The dark horses…Amanda and Brooke.

Top 7 Guys, + Danny Take On The Eighties

2008-03-04T23:58:00.000-08:00

Perhaps the judges have finally stopped trying to sell us the bill of goods called “Season 7: The Best One Ever.” After last week, one that was outclassed by the most pedestrian efforts of Season 2’s Carmen Rasmusen, we are ready to ask the hard questions. Who among this crew is really any good? And just how good? And what the hell was that shirt Randy was wearing tonight with the glittery floral appliques? And where can my grandmother buy one? I love the music of the eighties, but would it have killed one of these dudes to sing an Elvis Costello tune?

And now, Paula Abdul would like to address all the guys, and and try to encapsulize her feelings about all of tonight’s perfomances, in one large yet easy-to-swallow capsule:
When I saw you and my ears drank in the sound of your melodiousness, my heart just smiled because your face lights up the stage and daffodils bloom on the hillsides of the world. In your beautiful voice, I see all the colors of the rainbow, and my heart is warmed with the white hot fire of a thousand suns. Your beautiful spirit just glows and you are a shining star, no matter who you are or where you go or even if you end up doing Idol commentary on the TV Guide Channel. You are a brilliant original, and even if you sing a wrong note, I love you because I worship your cute little faults which are like precious lollipops of love to me. I want to squeeze your little head until the talent juice pours out like April raindrops. And if that’s not loving you, then all I’ve got to say is…God didn’t make the little green apples! Touchdown! Thank you, and where’s my hug pillow, dammit? Paula is tired now! Someone bring me my hug pillow!

Tonight the top 8 guys reveal their most embarrasing moment, up to but not including tonight’s performances. As Ryan so eloquently declared…let’s do it:

Luke Menard - Even though I had pre-cast my vote for Luke as the guy most likely to leave on Thursday, I can now objectively say that he is still the most deserving to do just that. I can’t say which is more painful - the shrill tone of his tenorella voice, or the smugness that comes from a lifetime of always getting his way by flashing that smug Dawson smile at everyone. Not to mention the fact that Luke sang Wham!’s Wake Me Up Before You Gay-Gay (a dance song about going out dancing)…while standing still, in one spot. Weak & girly, says Simon. I rest my case.

David Archuleta - The powers that be on this show get rightfully nervous when it becomes clear so early in the season who’s going to the finals. It can raise the boredom quotient, and people start…you know, switching over to see what Paula Deen is doing with that chicken thigh. So…it’s checks and balances night! David turns in another heartwrenching flawless performance (on Phil Collins’ Another Day in Paradise), this time throwing in some piano prowess for good measure, and yet the judges begin hearing mysterious bothersome inperfections. Sorry judges, you cannot fight the awesome voting power of the Tadpole Patrol (yes, you heard it here first).

Danny Noriega fiercely attacked [meow!] the oh-so-eighties Soft Cell synth pop hit Tainted Love. Once again, Chadboulet challenges himself to remain objective here and separate the girl from her performance. And one has to give her credit - as always, she threw all 87 pounds of herself into it. But the lower register was weak - out of her range, which tainted the whole thing for me. Like Ryan, I didn’t notice the purple streaks. I believe Simon compared her to a chicken wing. The Cult of Dan-jaya may survive for another week.

It seems that David Hernandez has offically weathered the recent storm of the would-be scandal (…his alleged past as a stripper). The producers have decided to stick by him and let him self-destruct on his fully-clothed own, by revealing much too much information about his boogers, and with amazingly lame song choices like Celine/Meat Loaf’s It’s All Coming Back to Me Now. A good rule of thumb here, guys: Do not cover Celine Dion on 80s week or any other week. And we can go that advice one better: Don't EVER cover anything touched by Meat Loaf, okay? His 15 minutes were actually over in the 70s. Coincidentally, “Little Meatloaf” was David’s previous professional stage name. But Simon says David is coming back, by golly. And Simon gets what Simon wants.

Michael Newton-Johns invoked both the ghost of Michael Hutchence and the seminal 80s flick The Breakfast Club with his cover of Don’t You Forget About Me. To his credit, he rocked it a bit harder than the somewhat milksop Simple Minds original. As Simon alludes, Michael is still a case of unfulfilled promise - someone capable enough to phone in a perfectly servicable rock performance like this one without the benefit of any real excitement. Molly Ringwald, where are you when we need you?

Well, I lost 10 bucks on a bet that David Cook would show up tonight wearing Robbie’s Carrico’s discarded wig. Alas, I guess he’s just stuck with that plastered down real mop of his. From about five seconds into David’s cover of Lionel Ritchie’s Hello I knew that (as Simon said afterwards) it was a canny move that, if it worked, would kill, even without the blind chick. If points were scored for originality in song choice, arrangement and performance, David Cook wins this night hands down. He re-imagined a sappy pop love song as an anthemic rock ballad, and yes, pulled it off. Smart move, good performance.

Surprisingly…no, Jason Castro’s most embarrassing moment was not his interview on last week’s show, but rather a dreadlock-in-the-soup incident. God, I hate it when that happens. More proof that white guys can't dread. I would venture to guess that many American Idol watchers were not so familiar with his song choice Hallelujah. If they were, it may have been from the Rufus Wainwright version used in the first Shrek soundtrack, not the Leornard Cohen original or beautiful 1994 Jeff Buckley cover. Anyway, Jason scores high points for choosing a song not only perfect for his unique vocal assets — but one which rarely fails to elicit goosebumps, and he proved that point. Oh no - a new perennial Idol staple ballad! Bravo, Jason —we're all going to just ignore that last note. If you want to know more about the song and the dozens of artists who have covered it, check: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hallelujah_%28song%29

Chikezie missed his opportunity to fall in with another Lionel Ritchie cover Chikezie Like Sunday Morning, and instead opted for Whitney Houston’s All the Man That I Need, (also regenderized by Luther Vandross). Poor Chikezie didn’t get the memo, the one that after six years should be posted on all the bulletin boards backstage, warning contestants against taking on Whitney. Cardinal Rule Numero Uno on this show. Simon apparently sort of liked this performance, until Chikizie confirmed that it was a Whitney song. Oops. Suicide case closed.

Who will go home? Luke & someone else. Maybe Dannielle.

Top 10 Girls go crazy on the 70s; I’m still in my chair

2008-02-27T23:51:00.000-08:00

I know what Simon means when he sometimes says that a performance didn't make him fall out of his chair…I really feel that way tonight. This was a talented bunch of girls presenting a rather lackluster evening of song.

We all know by now that Carly Smithson & her over-imprinted husband own a tattoo shop. But did we know that she dispenses pints of Guinness and bathes with Irish Spring? Well, there ya go, lads. Can she handle Heart’s Crazy On You? Well, yes, lads. Does she bring anything new or original to it? Well, no, lads. Do the judges still worship at her feet? Yes, indeed, tanks very much. Simon declared she is The One Ta' Beat. But she could be a few kilometres short of that end of rainbow pot o' gold.

The ever-confident Syesha Mercato chose to reverse-genderize Billy Paul’s classic Me & Mrs. Jones. Now, I do love this song, and didn’t have a problem with her arrangement or the performance. But the judges were not so forgiving. I thought it was pleasant enough, but otherwise did not leave me with a lot to write home about.

What is it about sunny Brooke White? She’s not country, not rock, not pop in a 21st century mode. And despite the pretty blonde exterior, she has a goofy awkwardness about her. With her oddball choice of You’re So Vain and her quirky, raspy voice, she still manages to keep us dangling on a mysteriously magnetic musical thread. Not sure I agree with Simon about the perfection of the song choice, but he did absolutely love her, and I’m still kinda hooked.

We learn that Ramiele Malubay used to do the Polynesian dance thing, which is somehow not so surprising, given her exotic Philipino looks. Judging her purely as a singer, she proves she can even be masterful with a disco throwaway like Don’t Leave Me This Way - but it doesn’t showcase her instrument so well, or match last week’s emotional intensity. The judges do not love, but Simon opines that she is one of the top 3 singers in the competition.

Kristy Lee Cook confesses the unlikely surprise that she is a tomboy. Fortunately for us, she is that special brand of tomboy who understands the import of wearing things that cling to and flatter her girly parts (and I point that out in a purely academic post-feminist context). I think the Linda Ronstadt hit You’re No Good was a good choice, presenting an opportunity to rock out with a twang on a song that also has a lot of soul. The problem is that the arrangement was very close to Ronstadt's version, so Kristy Lee really didn’t bring anything new to the party. But she serviced it well enough, and the judges remain in her court - though Simon rightly continues to try to point her in an even twangier direction.

Amanda Overmyer is a bookworm. Go figure! I’d hate to run into her in a dark library - I’m a little fearful that she’d thump me with a 3 lb Aleister Crowley tome or something. I’m going to offend some here, but……reality check: Kansas sucked. Carry On sucks, and Mandy-O’s cover lived up to all that Suck. She couldn’t reach the notes, couldn’t keep up with the tempo, and she made my ears bleed and my cat run into the linen closet. I want to like her - I really do. The godawful hair and matching godawful jeans certainly didn’t help, but at least she looked a little younger this week. Girlfriend needs a manager — am I wrong?

Alaina Whitaker is the cute, sort of Hollywood version of an obsessive-compulsive eater. She also is young, perky, and vocally talented, and tonight is Hopelessly Devoted to You. Simon called her performance ‘pageanty,’ and as pageant performances go, it was very good. You can’t deny she’s got something going on — Cowell even called her a dark horse in this competition. But can she survive this week’s cut?

Alexandréa Lushington has a storied past as an annual fire department assembly singer. Chicago’s If You Leave Me was an unusual choice, yes - but I give her a lot more credit than Simon did when he simply wrote the whole thing off altogether. She entirely owned and reinvented it, perhaps even improving on the original. So…pay attention here, Cowell. Dréa is a sweet girl, and way talented. Don’t you see that she's got the goods?

Kady Malloy sings opera, you know, just for fun. Perhaps Simon can create Il Diva and Kady can do a smashing Euro-tour. Kady is such an unusual case study. Like the judges, I really want to like her. Something about her early auditions tells me that she could be great. But her on-air performances (especially tonight’s Magic Man) have been sloppy & pitchy and just plain bad. It's enough to make me forget that she is easily the sexiest woman in the Season 7 competition. Someone, please help this girl with her song selection! Like last season’s Brandon, I know she has a great performance buried in there somewhere (but then, he never delivered it, did he?).

Asia’h Epperson was a cheerleader. Somewhat sad to say, this is probably her core; her raison d’etre. And furthermore, Celine Dion 101 was not part of the pom-pom curriculum. All By Myself was yet another textbook example of tragically bad song selection. She sounded like someone searching for the limits of her range, on the fly, and utterly failing. She needs to stay, but this one leaves her vulnerable.

Who will go home? This is a tough call. I'm not sure if Amanda's biker fan base can save her. And Asia'h's performance was weak, but…perhaps not fatal. Alaina could even be unsafe.

Pet Rocks - Top 10 Guys Serenade the 70s

2008-02-26T23:25:00.000-08:00

As the top 10 guys take the stage to warble classic songs of the 70s, we also get to learn one really surprising thing about each of them. Fun, right? So let’s
…uh…get it on.

Michael Johns is a tennis player, which is a tough thing to be in Australia, where the rackets are strung with kangaroo gut, and backspin runs in the opposite direction. Fleetwood Mac’s You Can Go Your Own Way was a decent fit for Michael’s voice, and probably a savvy choice given that it comes from one of the best-selling albums of all time. The looks, the golden vocal tone & stage presence are intact, but a dingo may have had nibbled on his mojo.

Happy hippie Jason Castro’s surprise reveal is that he can’t string 3 words together in a sentence unless he is holding an acoustic guitar. He sprinkled his magic musical patchouli oil on an Andy Gibb song I Just Wanna Be Your Everything, and I can't say it was unpleasant. The judges are beginning to learn that Jason is more of a stylist than an actual singer. But he is not boring and has really good weed, and therefore must stick around for awhile.

One gets the sense that Luke “Dawson’s Creek” Menard has already arrived, at least in his own mind, and that these weekly performances are mere formalities on his way to the top. We learn that an a capella group is the Small Pond in which he is the Big Fish. Killer Queen was a brave choice and he was about 75% equipped to sing it really well. I have come to believe his destiny lies on The Bold and the Beautiful, playing a singer named Luke.

Robbie Carrico drag races cars, so he is officially bad to the bone, yo. There is simply no room for doubt. The song was Hot Blooded, and Randy & Paula were not feeling so warm, having predetermined that Robbie is something of a rock poseur. The performance was (as Simon said) really not bad, but Rob does seem a little desperate to prove he has left his Nick Lachey days behind. Umm, that is a wig, right?

Pre-rocker Robbie

Danny Noriega was in a punk band in the 9th grade. He was something like an Avril Lavigne, only with more estrogen. His cover of Superstar was very pitchy in the lower registers and altogether not great. But the judges inexplicably decide to play the roles of loving parents offering encouraging words to their little girl after a poor ballet recital.

David Hernandez used to wear girly tights and can do a mean cartwheel, though I just don’t know if I would have gotten quite so…confessional. But you really cannot go wrong with the Temptations’ Papa Was A Rolling Stone, a song that chugs along with a cool 70s wah-wah powered groove. This week, in terms of vocal and stage presence, David managed to bring it. I wouldn’t have figured him to be around another round, but he is safe. Simon called it as ‘the best of the night so far.’

Jason Yaeger is a self-taught multi-instrumentalist, by golly. He apparently also taught himself the technique of singing while maintaining a continual display of all 32 teeth. As all 3 judges noted, the Doobie Brothers Long Train Running (Without Love) is not a singer’s song; not a vocal showcase. Simon smack-talked Jason once again, and JY may have just become another song choice casualty. But if points can be given for delivering the line “she lost her home and her family and she won’t be comin’ back” with an ear to ear smile, then as Randy would say, “dat was hot!”

We learn that Chikezie is Nigerian and so is his name, and if he doesn’t win this thing, we will all be getting emails offering a large portion of his tied-up fortune back home. The only African American male in the competition did what he needed to do this week — brought some genuine soul to the party, with Donny Hathaway’s I Believe. Chikezie is back, as RJ said, and will be around for at least another week.

David Cook - Unlike Simon, I liked the pre-performance interview tape — I actually have a new appreciation for David knowing he is a “word nerd” and “crossword freak.” With perhaps the canniest song choice of the night — the universally loved infectuous rock anthem Alright Now, David (axe in hand) proved he has the goods in the “rocker” department. He has officially solidified both his rock and crossword puzzle fan bases. He is very much in this thing.

David Archuleta’s surprise reveal is that he sang And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going to Kelly Clarkson & crew in a hotel lobby somewhere, after which his mama changed his diaper. Tonight’s reading of Imagine was (not surprisingly) a study in vocal perfection. There was not a bad or false note here. In fact, there is something about this that recalls Kelly’s transcendence and ascendence in Season One. And that just can’t be a bad thing. Win, place or show, David has Arrived. For a glimpse at an even younger David singing Imagine, check this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MG-IoN9ER4

Who's going home? I have to say Luke & Jason Yeager, but Danny is also vulnerable.

Idol Pinch #3

2008-02-25T17:12:00.000-08:00

Separated at Birth Dept.

Idol Pinch #2

2008-02-23T18:53:00.001-08:00

Eliminated contestant Amy Davis

Amy, we hardly knew ya.

Idol Pinch #1

2008-02-23T18:17:00.000-08:00

Contestant Robbie Carrico mentioned his boy band past as a member of pop group Boyz-N-Girlz United. He said that he toured with Britney Spears. What he failed to mention is that he "dated" Spears for a time. It is not clear how many times they "dated" her, but here's some proof that he did [date] her.

Boys Bitch-Slapped; Chicks Rule Infirmary Roost

2008-02-20T23:44:00.000-08:00

It’s 60s song night again, and some sort of vocal flu virus has hit Idol Kingdom. We will give each contestant her due below, but let it be known that 3 (out of 4) of this year’s African American girl contestants whupped some stage butt tonight. And some others were not so shabby either. On another front, a curious thing that can't be overlooked: Carrie Underwood is the reigning star of this franchise, right? Isn't it funny that 3 of these girls are virtual Carrie Clonettes? One of them could even be a sister or cousin Underwood, or a Carrie Understudy. More on this later… Note: contestants on both nights were given a list of 50 songs to choose from, which explains why we heard some of the same tunes tonight.

The Ladies: the good, the bad, and the sickly
Beautiful Oregonian Kristy Lee Cook sold her freakin’ horse to get here, y’all. That’s right - she’s as purdy as a Portland picture postcard…AND…she needs her transportation back! Gosh, I love the backstories. And she can sing her some Amazing Grace, am I right? But oops - Rescue Me is a soul song, a real wrong choice for Kristy Lee. She does have presence, but her voice has a twang that demands a more down home vehicle. Kristy, you once were lost, but hopefully next week you’ll be found. Vote for Kristy Lee and help her win that new Mustang.

Joanne Borgella - Plus-size model Joanne could not sing her way out of a Lane Bryant bag tonight. Sorry, but unless this girl is one of the unidentified flu/bronchitis victims, I have no clue what her excuse would be for her embarrassingly abysmal performance of I Say A Little Prayer. This was a surprising low note for a post-Hollywood performance. Cardin McKinney was no doubt sitting at home hurling tater tots at her TV screen.

Alaina Whitiker - 16 year old Alaina is in fact the youngest person in the competition, but let that be the last time I mention it - Randy will take care of that…every week. She is one of this year’s Carrie Clonettes — in the odd position of resembling a certain other blonde Oklahoma native, through no real fault of her own. The fact is that Alaina's performance of More Than Yesterday was one of the best of the night. She nailed the vocal, and was a very cute and engaging stage performer - a natural. Simon hated the song, but assured her she would sail through to the next round, and she will.

Amanda Overmyer is the biker/nurse —you know, the 23-year-old who looks 43. One must assume that she “earned” her unique voice by consuming an impressive quantity of smokes & bourbon (?). Marlboro Reds and Southern Comfort helped do Joplin in by age 27, so perhaps Amanda still has a few good years left in her. Well, I think I like Amanda better on paper than in the flesh. Loved the song selection (Baby Please Don't Go), the kick-ass arrangement, and what the band brought to the party. "Authentic" is the judge's buzzword - and this is indeed a more authentic band of rock than normally heard here. A blues-based rock; not your garden variety arena type. Yet Overmyer’s vocal was ultimately not so exceptional. She's going to need to work at breaking out of her own box, lest she dissolve into self-parody. For more about the song, check http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby,_Please_Don't_Go.

Trade show model Amy Davis seemed likeable enough. But from the opening strains of the cheese-tacular Connie Francis hit Where The Boys Are, I knew just how profoundly regrettable a song choice this would be. What I did not know is just how scarily Scarnato-ish things could get. As with Joanne, one begins to hope upon hope that the girl is a flu victim, so that she has some semblance of an excuse. Hey Grandmaster RandyDogg, get your facts straight. This is not a Patsy Cline song, and therefore did not require a twang injection (likewise to you, Simon). Connie was a nice Italian girl from New Jersey! But this was just plain wrong in every way, and Amy is looking pretty vulnerable.

24-year-old Brooke White’s claim to fame seems to be that she is a Good Girl, something that apparently irks Simon. Good girl or not, I happen to find her very likable. I don't know what it is - maybe her Carole King audition song at the keyboard; but she does do something for me. I didn’t love the song choice (Happy Together), but she can sing, and she didn’t embarrass herself. I hope she returns.

Alexandréa (Alex-ann-DRAY-uh) Lushington rocked my personal world with her infectious performance of Spinning Wheel, a song that I never really cared for. But she owned it, she rocked it, she made me smile, and she would have made me dance, except that I just don’t get up out my Idol-watching chair until after 10:00. Trivia: Alexandréa competed head to head with David Archuleta on Star Search (!), and lost to him. So you better believe we have a revenge match in the making here. My favorite perfomance of the night, I think.

Kady Malloy - Kady is another one of the unfortunate blondes, and in fact is more specifically an Alaina clone. This is confusing. Just remember that Kady does a good Britney. That’s right - she drives around L.A. with no underwear on the wrong side of the street, stopping only for Starbucks and Marlboros [badda-bing!] Like the judges, I fell for the off-stage Kady, and was not so wowed by tonight’s on-stage Kady. I like Groovy Kind of Love — a Mindbenders hit in the 60s which was revived in the 80s by Phil Collins, but Simon sort of nailed it as a"the night of the living dead.” And when Kady is not smiling, she looks sorrowfully pissed off. I hope she returns - I’d like to hear more.

Asia‘h Epperson - I’ve already called Alexandréa’s my favorite performance of the night, so I guess I’ll have to fudge and say that Asia’h may have tied her for first place. The big personality, stage presence, energy and Tina Turner quality she brought to Piece of my Heart was loveable. Janis Joplin was not even part of the equation - Asia’h remade the song in her own image.

Ramiele Malubay - Chadboulet loves Dusty Springfield, but I must admit that You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me is one of my least favorite Dusty tunes — I always felt that it was a little overwrought and melodramatic. So, I was not really looking forward to hearing our Pocket Polynesian perform it tonight. But Ramiele sold me — she made it her own, and worked the song to her advantage as a personal vocal showcase. For once I agreed with Randy - it was a class act. And Paula - “range; tenderness.” Simon said she had “outsung everyone tonight.”

21-year-old Syesha Mercato lost her voice in Hollywood, remember? She demonstrated her resourcefulness and full-of-herself-ness when she created those adorable flipcards explaining her infirmity, remember? Then, she immediately walked out on stage and belted her way to the top 24. Go figure. She probably had a fever of 103 tonight, but she totally rocked Tobacco Road. [Note to David Cook: Dude - this song was on the freakin’ list, and you sang Happy Together!! What were you smoking?]. This was good, but to be honest, descended into Pitch Purgatory in the last 20 seconds. The judges Liked. Simon Loved. And you know, we do need more divas in this world - really.

Carly Smithson - First of all, does anyone else find it odd that the primary boy ringer and girl ringers [the two non-Americans, in fact] were both placed squarely in the last-of-the-night pimp spot? Secondly, Carly is the most controversial figure in Season 7 for reasons too numerous to mention, but not the least of which is that it is rumored that she used to work for Randy Jackson. All conjecture aside, the girl can sing. Interestingly, Randy proclaimed his former employee’s performance “the best vocal out of 24 in the last 2 days,” and Simon (who could not separate performance quality from song selection issues tonight) was allegedly non-plussed, because she ‘didn’t live up the hype.’ I felt that she brought it, but Shadow of Your Smile was indeed an unlikely and unwise song choice, and there was something weirdly Cher-esque about it all. [Note: she was reportedly one of the worst flu victims of the bunch.] But Carly will be back, and she will most likely live up to the hype.

Who goes home? Amy. And either Joanne or Kady.

12 is the Loneliest Number (The Top Boys Compete)

2008-02-19T23:33:00.000-08:00

Welcome back to American Idol: Full Throttle - the actual competition. The contestants are pre-seasoned, and at the judges seem intent on redefining their dynamic - have you noticed? Randy has clearly been reading those mean Idol chatroom comments on his summer vacation, and has embarked on a journey of self-reinvention - he must no longer be the idiot who needs a Simon opinion before he can form his own. This is Randy 2.0 — the Hip-Dog-Daddy —the Old Dope Pro, with definitive & sage street advice to DECLARE to our hapless contestants.

Season 7 - Top 24 Demographic Index:
3 Davids
2 Jasons
4 tow-headed white girls
4 African Americans
1 Asian American
4 with Hispanic-ish names
3 “rockers”
3 country-esque
10 people aged 20 or younger
2 29-year-old guys
1 hippie dude
1 tattooed Irish chick
1 Aussie dude
2 guys that look like Ellen Degeneres
1 biker nurse chick
1 Chikezie

You do the math. Shall we get down to it now?
The top 12 boys kick off the first real competition night of Season 7, with a 60s music theme.

David Hernandez - David simmered Wilson Pickett’s classic Midnight Hour with a slow gospel opening that kicked into an inevitable upbeat groove. He can sing, so it wasn’t all bad. But the boy is stiff & uptight (as Simon pointed out), so this performance was not so audience friendly. His voice may keep him around for at least another week, but he’ll have to raise his performance game.

Chikeze [Eze] made a valient effort to slow down and Vandross-ize the usually perky More Than Yesterday. And while I’ll give him props for stage presence, the rest was a wash. The vocals certainly did not live up to the over-confidence that his pumpkin suit with upturned collar seemed to impart to him. Cowell was not pleased by any of it, and Chik got smug on us.

David Cook - The hair and make up team have thankfully kicked in early this year, for they were able to suitably disguise David’s rapidly receding hairline. And aren’t rockers supposed to have more of a “lean & hungry” look? David seems like a nice fellow, but the Turtles’ Happy Together was not a showcase song for him, nor did it especially rock. He is reportedly a certified Daughtry-ite, so he needs to put the rock chops out there now, not later. In fact, I believe Simon had positive things to say about David because Daughtry is a proven cash cow, and Cowell is afraid to kick a rocker off the show this early in the season. There, I said it.

Jason Yeager - BACKSTORY ECLIPSES TALENT. Single father Jason wants to make his adorable little son proud as punch, by choosing to sing Moon River (in an Aikenesque performance), the song his beloved grandma sang to him while she was dying in his arms, or something. Both of them love puppies. Camera 3: extreme close-up on adorable smiling son in audience. Fade to handsome Jason, eyes downcast. Simon finds Jason to be very “cruise ship” and also a “dependable old sheep dog.” Clearly, Cowell has located Paula’s stash.

Robbie Corrico - No really, I’m not a boy band singer anymore who used to tour with Britney Spears! I’m a ROCKER!! Really I am! See? See my Bret Michaels Halloween costume? [Editor’s note: are those leather wristbands holding his hands on, or just hiding his rocker razor scars?]. Nilsson's One is a great song, but it’s decidedly sixties pop, not a rock song. Either way, not a good choice for Robbie, and not an especially great vocal.

David Archuleta - Smokey Robinson was just 20 when he had his first #1 hit with his classic song Shop Around, which he wrote with Berry Gordy. A perfect song choice, and 16-year-old Davie did it justice. [Note: Chadboulet has attempted to sing this song before (in the shower, soap-on-a-rope mic in hand), and I can tell you that it is insanely difficult.] The tempo is fast, and the melody has countless changes and bluesy inflections. But this kid nailed it, with no soap at all. Money ending. You may have heard — this boy won the Junior Vocalist award on Star Search 4 years ago. That means very little here, yet undeniable chops and impeccable taste in his song selection will carry him a ways in this contest. Which is all the more reason why his little “modesty” patter is beginning to annoy. I wish he’d go ahead and own his talent. Say “I am Here, I am 5 feet tall, and I am Great,” and just get on with it.

At this point in the program, actress Ellen Page steps onto the stage and… Oh, no. Sorry, That’s Danny. How would little Danny Noriega assess his own performance of Jailhouse Rock? Well, he had hoped to bring his “thwagger and attitude” to the stage and “bring the houth down.” But ultimately determined that the problem with it came down to “thong choice.” I agree that this was a bad thong choice for Danny. But I would describe him as 300 lbs of personality and showmanship in a 95 lb package. I would not discount him yet. Unlike his predecessor Sanjaya, he really can sing, and he commits himself on stage.

Luke Menard - This 29-year-old was apparently cut in the Memphis auditions, but came back and made it through in Omaha. And by the time he got to Phoenix……umm, nevermind. Wow, Everybody’s Talkin’ is a really great song, and this was a really, really horrible vocal. Someone should inform Luke that “sensitive reading” does not equal “off-key whisper.” The tonal quality was somewhere between Christopher Cross & Newt Gingrich, and I don’t mean either in a good way. Nice jaw and 3-day beard, however.

Colton Berry - This 17-year-old is the one who got chosen over the president of the Junior CPAs of America in the last Hollywood pick. Anyway, he sang the boy band version of Suspicious Minds, which made me very suspicious. Pretty good stage presence, but this guy is just not in it for the long run.

Garrett Haley - I guess 17-year-old Garrett is someone’s idea of a heart-throb — that’s probably what the producers were thinking. I found him more on the clueless and boring side. Too clueless to know that Breaking Up Is Hard To Do is a pretty lame piece of bubblegum tripe - it was in the 60s, and it still was when Sedaka reprised in the 70s. Even if we forgive him his song selection, the boy has no range. He’s sort of the un-country Bucky. Or……perhaps Bucky is the country Garrett.

Jason Castro - John Sebastian’s Daydream was a beautiful choice, and there’s just something refreshing and likeable about this guy. He’s 20, he seems to know who he is, and he’s sort of an original, with no mic-spitting. That’s what the judges seem to like about him, so I guess I’m thinking in Simon terms. I like where he’s coming from musically - but can he hang onto his identity in the eye of this Cheese Storm we call American Idol? Here’s hoping we can all avoid another ‘John Stevens on Gloria Estefan Night’ debacle.

Michael Johns is, at age 29 (along with soon-to-be-eliminated Luke Menard) the oldest contestant on the show this year, and it shows. And for many, a forgone favorite to go all the way, or to be here for the long haul. He’s the whole bloomin’ onion — the looks, the exotic Aussie-ness, the sexy baritone voice, the stage presence, the rock star aviator scarf. The jury is still out - I was not especially wowed by his subdued Jim Morrison impersonation tonight, although he nailed the ending. He will easily get a chance to throw another shrimp on the barbie next week.

Who will go? I’m thinking Luke, and perhaps Jason "Moon River" Yeager.

Season 7…Year of the Pros? Yes. Scandalous? Not so much.

2008-02-18T17:22:00.000-08:00

If last season’s Sanjaya Malakar Cirque de Folie can be credited with any positive contributions to American Idol, perhaps it is this: Season 7 contestants will be road-tested and stage-ready.

The notorious, neurotically anti-Idol web site (you know the one - I refuse to plug them) has published an exposé-style story detailing the non-amateur status of many of this year’s Top 24 — exposing the “scandal.” [If you’re tittilated, Google away…]. These Uncovered Truths, they would have us believe, are important enough and sufficiently shocking to enrage us all; to make us stand up on our chairs and scream for the heads of executive producers Nigel Lithgoe and Ken Warwick on a platter.

Okay, after 6 years, American Idol had to grow up, just as its audience and potential participants have had to grow more game-savvy. Sure, we'd like to maintain the amateur discovery fantasy — that we can pluck a farmboy out of Lancaster County, PA who has never seen a TV and has sung only in the shower into his soap-on-a-rope. But the truth is, even raw talent can sometimes stand some cultivation before dumping it onto an unsuspecting public. This year, the producers made a deliberate attempt to select pre-cultivated talent.

Look, the producers never promised us we would be presented nothing but the most pristine amateurs. Nor were we promised American Idol contestants must all be U.S. citizens [two of this year's are not]. They made up this game; our job is to tune in to discover whether we will be entertained by it…again. We all know the show is Fox’s license to print money. So much cash is at stake in this franchise that the producers simply and wisely endeavored to raise the bar; to improve the game for everyone’s sake. This season will offer no less compelling television for these changes.

Some alum are stars; Some ask: do you want fries with that?

2008-02-17T18:28:00.002-08:00

Besides the big American Idol Summer 2007 tour for Season 6-ers, what has been keeping our Idol Alumni peeps busy?

Season Six-ers
New albums were released by Jordin Sparks and Blake Lewis, and Jordin recently sang the national anthem at the SuperBowl (but you knew that), and performed at the NBA all-star game last Friday. She has recently taken the lead among Idol download sales, with her single No Air. She will be joining Alicia Keys as her opening act on a major national tour that begins April 19. Blake's album, which contains healthy doses of his signature beatbox sound, has gotten a generally lukewarm reception from critics & the public.

[Simon Cowell favorite] Melinda Dolittle has done some charity work, joined Christian artist Michael W. Smith on a Christmas tour, and hopes to release an album eventually.

Lakisha Jones has joined the cast of The Color Purple on Broadway (but not in the Fantasia role), although the show will be closing later this month.

Chris Richardson has an album in the works, but apparently no label deal as of yet.

Phil Stacey sang the national anthem at the Gator Bowl, and has a country album in the works (Lyric Street Records) which will drop in late April of this year.

Sanjaya Malakar has made a number of TV appearances and hopes to join his sister at the Berklee College of Music.

Haley Scanato sang the national anthem at a Spurs/Suns semi-final game, broke up with her fiancé while on the Idol tour, and now hopes to move to Nashville and record a country album (don’t we all?).

Gina Glocksen got engaged during the summer tour, and has expressed Broadway aspirations, but otherwise has gone AWOL.

Chris Sligh headlined a big Christian New Year’s party in Rhode Island, and has a album scheduled for release in April, 2008.

Season Five-ers
Winner Taylor Hicks was dropped by his record label due to slow sales. He has done charity work, made appearances for an Alabama lakefront real estate property, romantically hooked up with Milwaukee broadcast journalist Carolina Lyders, and released a memoir [that’s right, an entire book about Taylor Hicks].

Kat, "pregnant" in I Know What Boys Like

Katherine McPhee’s recording career suffered the a similar fate, but she has stayed in the
public eye with countless appearances, and will appear in 3 Hollywood movies to be released in 2008, including I Know What Boys Like, starring Anna Faris and Colin Hanks. And ding-dong it - she just got married.

A Beverly Hills dentist donated $50,000 of dental work to Elliott Yamin. A new woman in Elliott's life has also raised his smile bar. Elliott’s album climbed to #3 on Billboard’s Top Independent Albums chart -- not too shabby. He has made numerous TV and personal appearances, including as opening act for Whitney Houston at the Live & Loud 07 Music Festival in Malaysia and has done advocacy work for various diabetes organizations.

Chris Daughtry is a rock star. He is the single most successful Idol contestant who was not in the finale, and is the fourth most successful Idol contestant in history, behind Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood and Clay Aiken. His band Daughtry has toured as the opening act on Bon Jovi’s Lost Highway tour. Daughtry’s album was nominated for 4 Grammy awards in 2007.

Paris Bennett sang the national anthem at an NBA Finals game. Critics mostly did not warm to her debut album Princess P, nor did it sell so well. [Hmm. Could the ill-advised rap duet with Kevin Covais have had something to do with it?].

Kellie Pickler traveled to the Persian Gulf with the USO tour in late 2007. Her debut country album Small Town Girl met with considerable success, and she was nominated for the “Top New Female Vocalist” award by the Academy of Country Music. She has been nominated for three 2008 CMT Music Awards.

Ace Young has made a number of personal appearances. He has recently been credited with the quote “…would you like to supersize that, sir?" (while wearing a Daughtry T-shirt, I believe). There is otherwise very little evidence that he remains upon the face of the earth.

Bucky Covington’s self-titled debut country album is considered both a critical and commercial success. He performed on the GAC Country Music Christmas tour in 2006, and continues to make personal appearances. Bucky and his wife parted ways one year ago, and twin brother Rocky has joined the band [“Party on, Bucky! Party on, Rocky!”].

Mandisa Hundley’s Christian album True Beauty appeared in July 2007 and debuted in the #1 position on the Top Christian Albums chart. Her music has received considerable airplay on Christian radio stations.

Lisa Tucker [no, we really didn't remember her either] is shopping for a recording contract, and has appeared on Nickoleon’s Zoey 101, which resumes production after star Jamie Lynn Spears completes her baby-birthing duties. Lisa is also a cast member in a Fox pilot for a TV series called Born in the USA.

Season Four-ers
Winner Carrie Underwood has become bigger than Oklahoma itself, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain and the corn is reportedly as high as an elephant's eye. We're only sayin' …you're doin' fine, Carrie Underwood. Carrie Underwood, O.K.! She has established herself as a credible member of the country music establishment. So, she's in. Forever.

Bo Bice had abdominal surgery, and performed the title song to the Will Ferrell film Blades of Glory. He has made some other appearances (eg. TV's Orange County Choppers), but has mostly faded from the public spotlight.

Anthony Federov starred in the long-running off-Broadway show The Fantasticks, and is working on his debut album.

Constantine Maroulis had a autobiographical TV sitcom in the works that was ultimately scrapped. More recently, he was a temporary cast member on the soap The Bold & The Beautiful, on which he played a singer named Constantine. He has also had roles on and off Broadway since he appeared on American Idol. He has been romantically linked with 80s pop singer Debbie Gibson, another constant teen.

Season Three-ers
That's almost as much Idol reportage we wish to do in great depth, but I will acknowledge that Season 3’s Jennifer Hudson (7th placer) won an Oscar, a Golden Globe, a BAFTA, and a SAG Award for her role as Effie White in the film Dreamgirls. [Eddie Murphy got shizzle.] She will appear in the upcoming Sex in the City movie as Carrie Bradshaw’s assistant, and is lined up for many more film roles. She has still not released an album, although one is expected later this year.
Okay, a couple more Season 3 notes: Fantasia has maintained a respectable level of success as a recording artist and of course, starred on Broadway for a while in the Oprah-produced musical version of The Color Purple. Runner-up Diana Degarmo landed on Broadway in Hairspray. LaToya London has joined the national touring group for The Color Purple, coming soon to your town!

Season Two-ers
Winner Ruben Studdard was also dropped by his label for weak record sales. He has reportedly lost over 100 pounds for a role in the touring company of Ain’t Misbehavin’ as Fats Waller. That’s right, he had to lose 100 lbs to play someone named “Fats.” But God bless Ruben: 205 — represent!

Runner-up Clay Aiken has become the most successful “male” and the most successful second-place finisher in Idol show's history. He recently joined the Broadway musical cast of Monty Python’s Spamalot as the wimp knight Sir Robin, which will continue through May 4, 2008. He is reportedly knockin’ em dead, as usual. Aiken is arguably the most popular Idol contestant of all time. He also does a lot of charitable work.

Kimberly Locke has had a moderately successful recording career and recently lost 40 lbs, partially with the help of the reality TV show Celebrity Fit Club. She also does a lot of charity work.

Allegations have surfaced that Vanessa Olivarez was unfairly railroaded off the show by the producers and not allowed to join the tour, purportedly because they were nervous about her open homosexuality. For more on this story, see her Wiki page: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vanessa_Olivarez

Season One-ers
Kelly Clarkson is still huge. Oops, sorry, Kelly — very successful. After a fallout with Clive Davis over her not-so-commercial self-penned album My December, she has reportedly patched things up and is recently began a co-headlining tour with country superstar Reba McIntire. We see a hit country album in Kelly’s future…

Runner-up Justin Guarini's career trajectory was somewhat sabotaged by the logistics & legalities of his entanglement with American Idol. His debut album was delayed due to the failed film project From Justin To Kelly, and according to Wikipedia he was contractually obligated to refuse a large number of potentially beneficial offers…we quote the following:
Some known outside offers he was contractually required to refuse were a guest role on Friends, the emcee role in Broadway's Cabaret, a major role in the TV series The Fast and the Furious, recording the soundtrack for a film, and modeling for Tommy Hilfiger. Justin has released 2 albums to date, the second of which Stranger Things Have Happened ("reinvented jazz classics") was praised by many critics. He has continued to make TV appearances, most notably on the TV Guide Network as host of Idol Chat and Idol Tonight. He also does a good deal of charity work.

Pretty much all of these folks will eventually turn up on Fox’s American Idol Extra, co-hosted by Season 4's Mikalah Gordon [oy!] and Season 3's Big Lug Matt Rogers.

This is a tip of the iceberg, of course. If there's an Idol alum you're curious about, we suggest searching Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page) for each contestant by name. For you bean counters, check Idol alumni sales & download numbers at USA Today's Idol Chatter sales index page at http://blogs.usatoday.com/idolchatter/idol_sales/index.html. If you wish to update us on something we left out or to correct us, please click on the COMMENTS button and go crazy.